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Me and my siblings, we're pretty close, too.
[ Now, they are. They weren't, for a while, and that was all his fault. ]
So all of this - here - this is all kind of normal compared to your life back there, huh? [ He teases just a little, seeing if he can get another smile from her, even a tiny one. ]
[ Now, they are. They weren't, for a while, and that was all his fault. ]
So all of this - here - this is all kind of normal compared to your life back there, huh? [ He teases just a little, seeing if he can get another smile from her, even a tiny one. ]
Living on different planets and sometimes floating in space?
[ He does get that little smile he was looking for, and then some. ]
Totally normal, Luke.
[ She looks at him with a face full of gratitude. ]
This feels normal.
[ He does get that little smile he was looking for, and then some. ]
Totally normal, Luke.
[ She looks at him with a face full of gratitude. ]
This feels normal.
[ He's never really just talked to anyone like this, and it's nice. It's really nice. ]
We'll find a little piece of normal in all of this. You helped me a lot when I first got here, you know. So if I can help you, too, I will.
We'll find a little piece of normal in all of this. You helped me a lot when I first got here, you know. So if I can help you, too, I will.
My less than perfect and completely not up to snuff non-chocolate chip pancakes helped?
[ She's teasing, and even smiles a little again before looking at him seriously. ]
You're helping. A lot.
[ She's teasing, and even smiles a little again before looking at him seriously. ]
You're helping. A lot.
Yours are still better than any others I've had.
[ He smiles gently back at her, resisting the chance to squeeze her wrist. ]
I'm glad I can help, though.
[ He smiles gently back at her, resisting the chance to squeeze her wrist. ]
I'm glad I can help, though.
Thank you, Luke.
[ Bree looks down at the stones in her hand, closing her fist around them before looking back at him. ]
Walk me back?
[ Bree looks down at the stones in her hand, closing her fist around them before looking back at him. ]
Walk me back?
[ He thinks about offering his arm, but instead just opts to walk close to her, near enough in case anything should happen. ]
If this doesn't help much and you can't sleep, call me, okay?
If this doesn't help much and you can't sleep, call me, okay?
I will.
[ She looks over at him as the walk, eyes moving over his face. ]
Have you decided where you want to live once we can leave Nadril? Olympia or Wyver?
[ She looks over at him as the walk, eyes moving over his face. ]
Have you decided where you want to live once we can leave Nadril? Olympia or Wyver?
My mother has a house in Olympia.
[ She smiles a little warmly to herself, then looks ahead as they walk. ]
It's big. A mansion, I guess my mother does really well for herself as a doctor here.
[ She smiles a little warmly to herself, then looks ahead as they walk. ]
It's big. A mansion, I guess my mother does really well for herself as a doctor here.
[ He's not super fond of large houses these days, but it sounds nice for her family, at least. ]
Olympia sounds good to me, too.
Olympia sounds good to me, too.
[ Bree smiles again, pleased about that for no good reason other than he's been nice to her. He's taken care of her. ]
Maybe we'll be neighbors. Then you could come over any time for pancakes.
Maybe we'll be neighbors. Then you could come over any time for pancakes.
That's really all I'm in for. [ He smirks a little, teasing. ] But it'd be nice to see you again soon.
Well then. Maybe you'll get lucky.
[ She shrugs with a small smile. He's nice, she likes him, and she wouldn't be opposed to it. She needs a friend right now, more than anything. ]
[ She shrugs with a small smile. He's nice, she likes him, and she wouldn't be opposed to it. She needs a friend right now, more than anything. ]
[ Jamie hasn't spoken with Brianna one on one in a few days. When she wakes with nightmares it's usually Claire she wants, which he understands but it doesn't make the sting any less. He wants to help her, in any way he can, he just isn't sure how.
After supper, when she goes right back to her room, Jamie gives her a few moments while he helps Claire clean things before going to knock on Brianna's door. ]
Lass? May I come inside?
After supper, when she goes right back to her room, Jamie gives her a few moments while he helps Claire clean things before going to knock on Brianna's door. ]
Lass? May I come inside?
[ Bree's just reading, and she wets her lips, sitting up further on the bed as she closes her book. ]
Sure, come in.
[ Her room is large, with its own bathroom for which she thanks her mother every day in her mind. She's tried to make it her own, but with everything that happened in the last few weeks she's faltered a bit on that. Once Jamie's in the room, she smiles a little at him. ]
Checking up on me already, da? It isn't even time to sleep yet.
Sure, come in.
[ Her room is large, with its own bathroom for which she thanks her mother every day in her mind. She's tried to make it her own, but with everything that happened in the last few weeks she's faltered a bit on that. Once Jamie's in the room, she smiles a little at him. ]
Checking up on me already, da? It isn't even time to sleep yet.
[ Every time she calls him 'da' his heart must want to burst, and he smiles softly, making his way to sit on the edge of her bed beside her. ]
Och, well, I'll always want to be sure yer alright, Brianna. I cannae help it. But...you'll tell me if it's overmuch? I ken I'm no' so good at this yet. Being a father.
[ He can admit it, and smiles just a little. ]
Och, well, I'll always want to be sure yer alright, Brianna. I cannae help it. But...you'll tell me if it's overmuch? I ken I'm no' so good at this yet. Being a father.
[ He can admit it, and smiles just a little. ]
Stop. You're a fine father.
[ She sits up more now to shift and sit right beside him. ]
You're here, taking care of me, and you love me. I'm almost positive that's the first part of being a good father.
[ Brianna smiles softly at him, wondering if he's wishing there were more for him to actually do for her. ]
I'm sorry you weren't able to be my father before. That you had to let me and mama go.
[ She sits up more now to shift and sit right beside him. ]
You're here, taking care of me, and you love me. I'm almost positive that's the first part of being a good father.
[ Brianna smiles softly at him, wondering if he's wishing there were more for him to actually do for her. ]
I'm sorry you weren't able to be my father before. That you had to let me and mama go.
[ For a moment there, she sounds exactly like Claire, and it makes him smile before reaching for her hand and squeezing gently. ]
If I could have raised ye myself, Brianna, I would have. There's nothing I truly wanted so much as to raise ye at Lallybroch, give ye brothers and sisters. But I kent it, the day I realized ye were in your mother's belly, it wouldna be possible.
[ Maybe the realization had come a bit later, like when he and Claire were plunging a dagger into Dougal's heart. But still. ]
I'm glad she went. She most likely would have been killed only for being my wife, and you along wi' her.
If I could have raised ye myself, Brianna, I would have. There's nothing I truly wanted so much as to raise ye at Lallybroch, give ye brothers and sisters. But I kent it, the day I realized ye were in your mother's belly, it wouldna be possible.
[ Maybe the realization had come a bit later, like when he and Claire were plunging a dagger into Dougal's heart. But still. ]
I'm glad she went. She most likely would have been killed only for being my wife, and you along wi' her.
[ Bree listens, and she nods in understanding. ]
I know. I always wondered if when I met you, I would wonder how you could make such a choice. But now I have met you, and I understand. Sometimes you have to let go. Hope that people will come back to you.
[ Her hand is still in Jamie's and she squeezes lightly before taking a deep breath and letting it out softly. ]
I'm sorry, by the way. That I keep waking up the house at night. Every night I hope it'll be different, and it never is.
I know. I always wondered if when I met you, I would wonder how you could make such a choice. But now I have met you, and I understand. Sometimes you have to let go. Hope that people will come back to you.
[ Her hand is still in Jamie's and she squeezes lightly before taking a deep breath and letting it out softly. ]
I'm sorry, by the way. That I keep waking up the house at night. Every night I hope it'll be different, and it never is.
Oh, mo leannain, dinna worry about what yer mind does to ye while ye sleep. 'Tis no' possible to control, we all ken it.
[ And if anyone says anything to make her feel badly about herself (he knows Fergus, John, and Claire won't) they can speak to him directly about it. ]
I promise, though. It will stop, in time.
[ And if anyone says anything to make her feel badly about herself (he knows Fergus, John, and Claire won't) they can speak to him directly about it. ]
I promise, though. It will stop, in time.
[ Bree looks up at him, searching his face. ]
How long did it take you? To stop having nightmares? Or to not wake up terrified?
How long did it take you? To stop having nightmares? Or to not wake up terrified?
[ With a squeeze of her hand, Jamie lets go so he can lean forward a bit, his arms resting on his knees. ]
Months. Almost the entire time yer mother was pregnant wi' Faith.
[ He regrets it, that he was so disconnected that he missed the first flutters of life in her belly because he was so wrapped in his own demons, trapped in his mind. He should have felt those moments of small movements inside of Claire; the only place life would ever exist for their first born. ]
Months. Almost the entire time yer mother was pregnant wi' Faith.
[ He regrets it, that he was so disconnected that he missed the first flutters of life in her belly because he was so wrapped in his own demons, trapped in his mind. He should have felt those moments of small movements inside of Claire; the only place life would ever exist for their first born. ]
Edited 2019-01-12 17:54 (UTC)
[ Brianna's quiet for a few moments.
Faith.
A name she's never heard before. ]
I...have a sister? I have an older sister?
Faith.
A name she's never heard before. ]
I...have a sister? I have an older sister?
[ Jamie's taken aback by her confusion and he looks at her, forehead creased as he looks at Brianna and tries to understand why Claire wouldn't tell their daughter of their first child. Looking down again, he presses on the hand that was once so mangled, pressing at the center of it as he gathers his thoughts. Then, finally he speaks. ]
She never drew a first breath, ye ken. Grew, nearly fully, but didna ever open her eyes when she was born.
[ Words spoken quietly. ]
And yer mother, she nearly...nearly joined her.
[ If Jamie, sitting in the Bastille, had lost both his wife and child, they could have kept him there and never set him free. It wouldn't have mattered. ]
We dinna speak of her much. It's too painful, the hurt was too big. If there's one thing that ever broke yer mother, both of us, it was losing our child. Please, Brianna, you must understand. It was no' a lie she tried to keep from ye, but her own pain.
[ He knows his wife. Knows to speak of it would mean to relive everything that happened in Paris. Their marriage had nearly come apart at the seams. He hangs his head, for the quiet confession. ]
It was while we were living in Paris, ye ken. I wasna there. I wasna there because I tried to kill Jack Randall in a duel after I vowed to your mother I wouldna do it. She lost the baby and verra nearly her own life that day, and I was in prison. No' there for her. I blamed myself. She blamed me. We blamed each other, until we were able to heal together, back in Scotland.
[ Jamie looks at Brianna again, eyes a bit red, though no tears have fallen. ]
Please, lass. Dinna be angry with yer mam for no' telling ye.
She never drew a first breath, ye ken. Grew, nearly fully, but didna ever open her eyes when she was born.
[ Words spoken quietly. ]
And yer mother, she nearly...nearly joined her.
[ If Jamie, sitting in the Bastille, had lost both his wife and child, they could have kept him there and never set him free. It wouldn't have mattered. ]
We dinna speak of her much. It's too painful, the hurt was too big. If there's one thing that ever broke yer mother, both of us, it was losing our child. Please, Brianna, you must understand. It was no' a lie she tried to keep from ye, but her own pain.
[ He knows his wife. Knows to speak of it would mean to relive everything that happened in Paris. Their marriage had nearly come apart at the seams. He hangs his head, for the quiet confession. ]
It was while we were living in Paris, ye ken. I wasna there. I wasna there because I tried to kill Jack Randall in a duel after I vowed to your mother I wouldna do it. She lost the baby and verra nearly her own life that day, and I was in prison. No' there for her. I blamed myself. She blamed me. We blamed each other, until we were able to heal together, back in Scotland.
[ Jamie looks at Brianna again, eyes a bit red, though no tears have fallen. ]
Please, lass. Dinna be angry with yer mam for no' telling ye.
Edited 2019-01-12 18:13 (UTC)
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