And we were younger, then. Less wise. With you... all I wanted was to hold you and make it all go away, but touching you sometimes made you feel worse. It wasn't your fault. Neither of us knew how to traverse those waters.
Christ, I wanted ye to be able to make it go away that easily, Claire. Ye have no idea how badly.
[ But she couldn't, and it frustrated him as much as it frustrated her. ]
The nightmares I had...
[ Jamie pauses; he's never divulged to her exactly what they were, what they consisted of. ]
I dreamt I was making love to ye and when I opened my eyes it was Randall. So I killed him. But when I finished it wasna him. It was you. I was so afraid I would hurt ye, Sassenach.
[Not those exact details, but eventually, she could guess. Randall in his dreams was easily confused with his wife. That monster took away the simplest pleasure Jamie had--Claire. It had taken a lot of work to get back to where they were before.]
You found your way home. And I had to... figure out how to help you get there. I hope we can both use what we learned then to help Bree.
Fergus, and even Theon... they always recognized that she lived a comparatively easy life compared to theirs. The worst thing to ever happen to her was Frank's death.
[And Claire agreed. Now, she feels terrible that Bree's been made to understand how terrible and cruel a single person can be, and she'd give anything to go back to the time when her only true grief was the loss of her father.]
I think that's for you to decide. But I do know that knowing you are the man you are today despite what happened will give her peace. Remind her there's a place beyond this pain.
[Things might have been easier for Jamie if he had someone like that to talk to himself.]
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Do ye have anything to give her, Sassenach? As ye gave me once?
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At home. I didn't bring much with me.
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[ It makes him anxious now, to get out of this place, to get her where he knows Claire can give her everything she needs. ]
Is this how ye felt? When it was me?
[ Because he feels as though his heart is outside of his body being crushed. ]
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[No use in hiding it.]
And we were younger, then. Less wise. With you... all I wanted was to hold you and make it all go away, but touching you sometimes made you feel worse. It wasn't your fault. Neither of us knew how to traverse those waters.
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[ But she couldn't, and it frustrated him as much as it frustrated her. ]
The nightmares I had...
[ Jamie pauses; he's never divulged to her exactly what they were, what they consisted of. ]
I dreamt I was making love to ye and when I opened my eyes it was Randall. So I killed him. But when I finished it wasna him. It was you. I was so afraid I would hurt ye, Sassenach.
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[Not those exact details, but eventually, she could guess. Randall in his dreams was easily confused with his wife. That monster took away the simplest pleasure Jamie had--Claire. It had taken a lot of work to get back to where they were before.]
You found your way home. And I had to... figure out how to help you get there. I hope we can both use what we learned then to help Bree.
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[ They have to because he can't stand to see his bairn suffering.
His only plan for now is to hold her. Keep her close, make sure she knows she isn't alone. ]
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[And Claire agreed. Now, she feels terrible that Bree's been made to understand how terrible and cruel a single person can be, and she'd give anything to go back to the time when her only true grief was the loss of her father.]
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[ His voice actually breaks, to know his daughter had some innocence left and now it's been ripped away. ]
I would give away my verra heart, if it would take this away from her.
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[Him, Fergus, Bree. Her family.]
But you're... Randall didn't win. And neither will the bastard that did this to her.
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His family. ]
She's a Fraser. And we are strong, Claire.
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[Very strong. Looking at Jamie, she knows who she gets it from.]
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[ Thinking along the same line, but in opposite directions. ]
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[She'll argue him on this until they're in the grave.]
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[ He's willing to compromise. ]
She is...the best parts of both of us, ye ken.
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[She knows Jamie does. Everything about her is perfect, even when her temper rises or she says cruel things she doesn't mean.]
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[ So yes, he agrees right away. ]
There isna a part of her that isn't.
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[And that she'd want him, always. No matter what.]
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[ He'll always wish that for Brianna. ]
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[Well. He might.]
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[ He doesn't sound fully convinced himself, but he'll try anything. ]
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[Things might have been easier for Jamie if he had someone like that to talk to himself.]
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I'm glad she's sleeping now. And more relaxed, too.
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[So much for her time with Jamie, but to be honest, it's the furthest thing from her mind. Bree comes first. Always. And she knows he feels the same.]
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[ There's nothing on his mind but being sure his daughter has everything she needs. ]
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