ic contact post

[givingback]

audio | video | text

Comments

let me slide in here real quick

[givingback]

[ This entire time, Bree's been asleep, facing her mother. There have been no smiles tonight, but her forehead does furrow and slowly her body begins to tense. She makes no sounds other than soft, breathless whimpers as her hands tighten into fists; someone trying to fight, someone terrified and overpowered, even in her sleep. Her body shifts, trying to find room to move, to run, to get away. ]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie can feel the change in her and immediately his arms release from around her and he scoots back as far as he can. He remembers waking up in Claire's arms and mistaking them for Randall's.

He gives his daughter the space she needs, watching her with concern and worry. ]

Brianna...

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Claire loosens her hold on Bree, not wanting her sleeping mind to mistake her arms for a man holding her down, but she does try to cup her face, smoothing away wisps of hair.]

Shh, shh. Mama's here, my little smudge. You're all right. My sweet girl.

[givingback]

[ Somehow, her mother's touch and voice make it to her dreams, and inch by inch, her body begins to relax again. ]

...Mama.

[ She's still out, the word mumbled out as her mind settles again into something different and not horrifying. ]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie has no idea what 'smudge' means in this regard. But to see the way Claire comforts their daughter and the way Brianna relaxes again is incredible. He never knew his heart could both swell and break at the same time. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

There you are. Shh.

[Surer now that she won't be elbowed or cause Bree to panic, she wraps her up in her arms once more and tucks her head under her chin. It's only then, once she feels her breathing level out, that she can afford to turn her attention to Jamie.]

You can relax. She's all right.

[She won't be frightened by feeling Jamie beside her.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie still hesitates though, looking at Claire first to be certain before resting a hand on Brianna's back, moving close again. ]

Do ye have anything to give her, Sassenach? As ye gave me once?

[nineteenfortyfive]

[When she moves her hand up and down Bree's back, she's sure to brush her hand over Jamie's, comforting him as well.]

At home. I didn't bring much with me.

[seventeenfortythree]

Then we just need to be able to get her home, then.

[ It makes him anxious now, to get out of this place, to get her where he knows Claire can give her everything she needs. ]

Is this how ye felt? When it was me?

[ Because he feels as though his heart is outside of his body being crushed. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Yes.

[No use in hiding it.]

And we were younger, then. Less wise. With you... all I wanted was to hold you and make it all go away, but touching you sometimes made you feel worse. It wasn't your fault. Neither of us knew how to traverse those waters.

[seventeenfortythree]

Christ, I wanted ye to be able to make it go away that easily, Claire. Ye have no idea how badly.

[ But she couldn't, and it frustrated him as much as it frustrated her. ]

The nightmares I had...

[ Jamie pauses; he's never divulged to her exactly what they were, what they consisted of. ]

I dreamt I was making love to ye and when I opened my eyes it was Randall. So I killed him. But when I finished it wasna him. It was you. I was so afraid I would hurt ye, Sassenach.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I know.

[Not those exact details, but eventually, she could guess. Randall in his dreams was easily confused with his wife. That monster took away the simplest pleasure Jamie had--Claire. It had taken a lot of work to get back to where they were before.]

You found your way home. And I had to... figure out how to help you get there. I hope we can both use what we learned then to help Bree.

[seventeenfortythree]

We can. We will.

[ They have to because he can't stand to see his bairn suffering.

His only plan for now is to hold her. Keep her close, make sure she knows she isn't alone. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Fergus, and even Theon... they always recognized that she lived a comparatively easy life compared to theirs. The worst thing to ever happen to her was Frank's death.

[And Claire agreed. Now, she feels terrible that Bree's been made to understand how terrible and cruel a single person can be, and she'd give anything to go back to the time when her only true grief was the loss of her father.]

[seventeenfortythree]

That she has to know this pain, Claire, it breaks me. In a way I didnae ken could be broken.

[ His voice actually breaks, to know his daughter had some innocence left and now it's been ripped away. ]

I would give away my verra heart, if it would take this away from her.

[nineteenfortyfive]

Oh, Jamie. So would I. I'd take it from all of you if only I could.

[Him, Fergus, Bree. Her family.]

But you're... Randall didn't win. And neither will the bastard that did this to her.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie gave himself to Randall to save his wife from this. He would have done it for his daughter, for Fergus.

His family. ]

She's a Fraser. And we are strong, Claire.

[nineteenfortyfive]

She traveled two hundred years into the past to try and save us.

[Very strong. Looking at Jamie, she knows who she gets it from.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Selfless and brave. Like her mother.

[ Thinking along the same line, but in opposite directions. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

No. Like you. So much of her is you, Jamie. Thank God.

[She'll argue him on this until they're in the grave.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Both of us, then.

[ He's willing to compromise. ]

She is...the best parts of both of us, ye ken.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I told her she was perfect. She didn't agree.

[She knows Jamie does. Everything about her is perfect, even when her temper rises or she says cruel things she doesn't mean.]

[seventeenfortythree]

She is.

[ So yes, he agrees right away. ]

There isna a part of her that isn't.

[nineteenfortyfive]

We'll need to remind her. Consistently. Just as I had to remind you that you were still my husband in every way.

[And that she'd want him, always. No matter what.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Somehow, we made it to the other side of that, Claire. Brianna will, as well. Though I must be honest and say I wish I could make it better, faster.

[ He'll always wish that for Brianna. ]