[ In that moment, Claire decides to omit the part where he married Laoghaire. It doesn't matter, really, and it opens up needing to tell her daughter about so much hurt and an argument and almost regretting returning to the 18th century. Instead, she simply smiles and nods gently. ]
He wanted to be a father to her children more than he wanted to be her husband. She was a widow, so...
[ Claire reaches out and strokes Bree's cheek tenderly. ]
All that he ever wanted was to be your father, Brianna. And he thought he could fill a void made by my leaving to make sure you were safe. It didn't work. As it turns out, they weren't even living together and hadn't for a long while. According to the law, because I was still alive, his second marriage became null and void.
[ Dropping her hand, she manages another small smile. ]
Sometimes it's hard, to know there's something you should have and know you can never get to it. So you try to replace it with something that should feel all right, but it isn't the same. It never could be.
I was very happy raising you with him. We were always able to agree on what was best when it came to you, Bree. Frank...asked me to promise never to look for Jamie as long as he was alive, and I agreed. I agreed so that you could grow up being loved and taken care of.
[ It hadn't been easy; what if she'd found out Jamie had lived years and years ago? What would she have done then? ]
I don't regret a single day that you were able to be raised with so much love by someone who loved you the moment he held you in his arms, Brianna. And I don't ever want you to believe anything else.
[ Of course she wishes it could have been Jamie, but Frank loved Bree so fiercely that in the end, his love for her was all that mattered. ]
[ Bree really isn't sure what to do with this information. She's always known that Frank loved her, and she was a daddy's girl for sure. But the fact that he'd told Claire she had to stay, essentially? It sits funny in her stomach but she isn't really sure how to voice that yet, so she doesn't. ]
I miss him. So much sometimes.
[ She ducks her head, wiping at a tear that falls against her will. ]
If I'd just stayed with him the night of the accident...
[ Claire has to soothe her right away and she pulls Bree into her arms, closing her eyes and stroking her hair. ]
Nothing good will come of thinking that way. If you'd stayed with him, then you would have both been in the accident. I could have lost you, Bree and I have gone through many, many things. But losing you isn't something I could ever recover from.
[ She knows it. She knows it just as much as she knows she needs Jamie to feel alive. Losing Brianna would have killed her without anything left to anchor her to the ground. ]
I lost daddy. And then I lost you, too. Even though I knew where you were, in 1968 you'd already been dead for 200 years. I don't know if you can claim this once you're eighteen and older but I was an orphan. And I wanted to be brave for you but it was hard. It was so hard.
[ Claire has always known that it wouldn't be easy. That her darling girl held it together long enough to say goodbye and then - if Claire had to guess - had a meltdown. But hearing it now fills Claire with some kind of guilt that's snuck up on her and squeezes her heart.
Was it the right decision? To leave her, to find Jamie and be with him instead? Of course none of it matters now because Bree is on her way to them, but nevertheless. She pulls back only to cradle her daughter's face. ]
It was so incredibly difficult to leave you, Brianna. I've thought about it every day since then, whether or not it was the right choice. I don't know if it was or not. But I do know that everything you hoped would come out of it did happen. He still loves me, just as you said he would. It was all confusing and frustrating sometimes, but for each of us, being together again started our hearts again. And we will always have you to thank for that. Our daughter.
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He wanted to be a father to her children more than he wanted to be her husband. She was a widow, so...
[ Claire reaches out and strokes Bree's cheek tenderly. ]
All that he ever wanted was to be your father, Brianna. And he thought he could fill a void made by my leaving to make sure you were safe. It didn't work. As it turns out, they weren't even living together and hadn't for a long while. According to the law, because I was still alive, his second marriage became null and void.
[ Dropping her hand, she manages another small smile. ]
Sometimes it's hard, to know there's something you should have and know you can never get to it. So you try to replace it with something that should feel all right, but it isn't the same. It never could be.
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You tried to be happy with Daddy, but you weren't. It wasn't the same.
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[ It hadn't been easy; what if she'd found out Jamie had lived years and years ago? What would she have done then? ]
I don't regret a single day that you were able to be raised with so much love by someone who loved you the moment he held you in his arms, Brianna. And I don't ever want you to believe anything else.
[ Of course she wishes it could have been Jamie, but Frank loved Bree so fiercely that in the end, his love for her was all that mattered. ]
no subject
I miss him. So much sometimes.
[ She ducks her head, wiping at a tear that falls against her will. ]
If I'd just stayed with him the night of the accident...
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[ Claire has to soothe her right away and she pulls Bree into her arms, closing her eyes and stroking her hair. ]
Nothing good will come of thinking that way. If you'd stayed with him, then you would have both been in the accident. I could have lost you, Bree and I have gone through many, many things. But losing you isn't something I could ever recover from.
[ She knows it. She knows it just as much as she knows she needs Jamie to feel alive. Losing Brianna would have killed her without anything left to anchor her to the ground. ]
no subject
I lost daddy. And then I lost you, too. Even though I knew where you were, in 1968 you'd already been dead for 200 years. I don't know if you can claim this once you're eighteen and older but I was an orphan. And I wanted to be brave for you but it was hard. It was so hard.
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Was it the right decision? To leave her, to find Jamie and be with him instead? Of course none of it matters now because Bree is on her way to them, but nevertheless. She pulls back only to cradle her daughter's face. ]
It was so incredibly difficult to leave you, Brianna. I've thought about it every day since then, whether or not it was the right choice. I don't know if it was or not. But I do know that everything you hoped would come out of it did happen. He still loves me, just as you said he would. It was all confusing and frustrating sometimes, but for each of us, being together again started our hearts again. And we will always have you to thank for that. Our daughter.
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This is the best birthday I've had in a while. I never thought I'd see you for another one.
[ Which makes this one that much more important. ]
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[ Claire's voice may or may not be muffled in Bree's hair as she holds onto her tightly. ]
But you will. When you make it to North Carolina. My sweet girl.