givingback | open post

Just knowing that no one's going to believe a lie, but no one's going to believe the truth, either. And I sort of stick out with an American accent.

[ She hadn't really noticed until Jamie obviously had. ]

I believe that he's glad. I believe if it was just the three of us and nothing else, it would be better.

[ That gentle touch of Claire's thumb actually brings on tears she didn't know were right there. ]

And what about daddy? Would he feel hurt because I'm getting to know my real father, or would he feel pushed out again?

[ She doesn't say that to hurt Claire (even if it might), but there was no way at all to anticipate how conflicting this might be, at least not to Bree. ]

Most of the people here have no idea what America is like. We can say the people there are different enough that you picked up a strange accent. The rest... we'll figure out. We always do.

[If they could find Jamie through time and distance, they can do anything. She tries a smile, but it's gone as soon as Bree begins to cry. All she can do is lean up and take her into her arms.]

Frank would want you happy. If this is what you wanted, I don't think he'd fault you for it.

[Would he hurt? Oh, yes, just like thinking about Frank makes Claire hurt. But she does want to believe that Frank, wherever he is now, would understand ultimately.]

[ The only constant Bree has now is Claire. She's never changed, she's always going to be her mother, and she takes comfort in that for now, breathing her in and closing her eyes for a few minutes. ]

I want to be able to talk to him. But I tried with family and talking about Lallybroch and what he does. None of that worked.

[ She pulls back and wipes at her eyes, sniffling. ]

Maybe you can tell him he can just ask me questions. It'd be easier, maybe.

We don't know all of the details of his past twenty years. It's... I doubt he's talked about it in full with anyone, and so he's struggling. But he will, I know he will. We just need to be patient. It's not because of you.

[She helps Bree wipe at her eyes with her sleeve.]

Why don't you tell him about... that summer we took you horseback riding? Jamie loves horses. He'll be glad to hear that you do, too.

[ Bree takes a deep breath and lets it out, managing a nod and a small smile. ]

Okay. I can do that.

[ She thinks. She hopes. She likes how happy he looked, how happy her mother looked, and she wants to do something or say something so right that they look like that again. She's putting unnecessary pressure on herself, but these glimpses she's seen have been completely fascinating, and she wants it to keep happening. Everyone deserves so much happiness, and if she can keep that happening, she wants to. ]

You're doing wonderful, darling. There's no wrong you can do. But you might make him cry again if he sees you've been.

[She smiles, kissing Bree's forehead and giving her a tight squeeze. Jamie cries a fair bit. Bree will see.]

I don't want him to know I have.

[ If he's going to cry she doesn't want it to be because she is. Put a pin in that angst for later. Wiping at her cheeks, she takes a deep breath and lets it out, sniffling and attempting to dry up her tears. ]

There, better?

Better. You really do look like him. Can you see it, now?

[Especially when she cries. But she keeps that comment to herself, fixing Bree's hair as she's wont to do.]

[ She can't help but smile at that. ]

I can see it. I look like you, too, but we have the same eyes. Obviously the same hair. I really want to get to know him better. I think I just want all of the surface stuff and awkwardness to be over with so we can get there. You know what I mean?

[ She understands it will take time, but that doesn't make her any less eager to have it happen. ]

I do. [She curls a piece of Bree's hair around her index finger.] He's scared, Jamie. He'd never admit it outright, I don't think, but he is. He doesn't want to... be too much, or overwhelm you. If he doesn't need to worry about that, you should tell him.

[ It will probably overwhelm her, but right now, she wants to make sure he isn't afraid to talk to her. And if she needs to have a moment with her mother, she knows she always can. So for now, not understanding how deep these feelings could go, she decides the best thing to do is tell Jamie not to worry, that she's fine.

And right now, she is. ]

I'll tell him. I know he's worried, but it will all be okay. I'll make sure he knows somehow.

He'll appreciate it.

[Another touch to her hair, and then Claire glances at the door.]

He's probably taking his time so we can talk. Do you want to go and fetch him?

[Maybe it should be Bree. If Claire can't relax enough to let her go downstairs in a small building on her own, she'll never be able to at all.]

[ Bree nods and stands, taking a deep breath and letting it out, smiling softly. ]

I'll go make sure he knows we didn't disappear. I'll be right back.

[ She kisses Claire's cheek, then leaves the room, closing the door gently behind her and going down the stairs to find Jamie, peeking around a corner because people apparently just hang around outside of rooms, and she doesn't want to talk to anyone else. ]

[James Fraser isn't an awkward man, but he's certainly looking a little awkward as he stands around with a tray of food from the cook from the kitchen. He could have gone upstairs a while ago, bring the plates of meat and fruit and cheese and bread, but he can't imagine what sort of conversation they're having up there. God forbid he intrude on the two women.

So, he decides to wait a bit, giving a polite nod to other patrons.

He's about to nod to a young lady when he realizes it's Bree and he practically jumps.]

Brianna. Something the matter?

[ She really can't help smiling at him endearingly, shaking her head. ]

Nothing's the matter. Mama just realized you must have been giving us a chance to talk.

[ Might as well say this now, then. Bree steps toward him, her smile a little smaller now but still directed at him. ]

You can talk to me. Nothing is off limits. I promise, it's okay.

[Oh, busted. Jamie manages to look embarrassed--that obvious, was he?]

Ye go right in for the kill, just like another woman I ken. [Her mother. It's been strange but wonderful seeing Claire being a mother, as brief as the interactions have been. He always knew she'd be a good one.]

The last twenty years haven't been easy for me, Brianna. [An admission, though he wonders how much she knows, or how much Claire could know.] Sometimes I dinna have the words for the times that have passed, but I would like to share them with ye--and ye mother. Eventually.

It doesn't have to happen all at once. I just wanted you to know, it's okay. I want to know you. And I want you to know me. I mean, that's why I'm here.

[ She smiles at him again. ]

Come on, before she thinks something terrible's happened to me. I could tell she wasn't ready to let me leave the room on my own.

[ She pauses on the first step though, turning her head to look at him, studying his face. ]

She never could love Frank the same. Not the way she loved you. I couldn't understand why until I knew the truth, and now that I've seen it. She's never looked at anyone in her life the way she looks at you. I thought you should know that.

[ Brianna continues going upstairs then, hoping she said the right thing. She wants him to know, though, that Claire's love for him was always that obvious. ]

Lass, are ye out to make a man sob?

[Mentions of Frank is enough to knock him down, but when Bree continues--it hits something deep within him. He's never looked at anyone the way he looks at Claire, and God, he hopes she realizes it. It's only ever been her. Before Jamie can say as much, he has to hurry after Bree, careful not to drop the food. But before they go in--]

She told me he passed, Frank. I'm sorry for it.

[She lost the father she knew. He knows that pain well.]

[ Brianna looks back at Jamie and reaches out, lightly, to rest her hand on his arm. ]

I can't imagine what that feels like. To know you had to give us both away. But I was very loved, and I had a good life.

[ Her voice breaks and she clears her throat, looking down for a moment before back up at Jamie. ]

My father was a good man. I want you to know that, too. But I think it's okay to want to know you, too. Someone who wanted me so much, he gave me away.

[ If he hadn't, she likely would never have been born because Claire would be dead with him at Culloden, and Bree's wise enough to know that. ]

[He loved Claire more than life, and he still made her go because Brianna, and keeping them both safe, was more important. To see that they're well and that Brianna's had a good upbringing? Well, it's most certainly worth every lonely night and dark moment in which he didn't want to take another breath because he was sure his heart would shatter.]

I won't give ye up again. As long as ye want me, Brianna, I'm here.

[Balancing the tray in one hand, he lifts an arm to put around her shoulders and draw her near.]

I swear it on my life.

I'm not going anywhere my mother doesn't go.

[ And as far as she knows, Claire's never leaving Jamie again. So, he has them. Both of them, and she leans into his one-armed hug. She believes him; she doesn't know him, but she believes him, instantly. Maybe it's that she knows her mother trusts him, maybe it's because he's a part of her. Whatever it is, she doesn't doubt anything he's saying.

When she finally pulls back, it's to open the door and let him through ahead of her because he has the tray, and God knows how long he's been carrying it. ]

I found him. Loitering.

[ She teases. ]

[For a man in his 40s, he does manage to look like a little boy about to be scolded as he steps into the room. Thanks for tossing him under the carriage, Bree.]

I just, ah, thought ye might need a moment or two to talk.

[He sets the tray down on the table in the room and pulls out a chair, nodding over to Bree. For her.]

Meat's still warm.

[Claire pauses mid-pace when the two redheads make their return. So, just as she thought. There's a clear look of relief when they're back, and that's really all that matters.]

It's all right. [Jamie's in her good graces for the foreseeable future. As far as she can say, at least.]

While we eat, we should probably figure out how tonight is going to work.

[He had been leading her to where he'd been staying, but there's three of them, not just two. This room is small--Jamie alone could barely fit on the bed.]

Also, I was thinking about something.

[ Bree has no idea how much she's supposed to contribute to this, and she clears her throat. ]

If you're Alexander Malcolm here, it's for a reason. So mama and I should have the same last name as you.

[ Now, she looks at Jamie. ]

Right?

[Clever girl. Once he's seated and he pushes in her chair, and Claire sits herself, he finally joins them. He gives Claire a pleased smile--they already fumbled over how to introduce her to others when he was handling business earlier.]

Aye, you're right. Claire Malcolm and Brianna Malcolm, for now. [He reaches for one of the rolls he was given from the kitchen.] I havena gone by the name Fraser in a verra long time. The English don't much like me, ye ken. [A smile now for Bree.] Save for ye mother. Never could figure that one out.

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drags Claire back in

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