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[givingback]

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[seventeenfortythree]

[ Christ this is a lot to process, and if not for Brianna between them he'd get up to pace. ]

He left? After a single argument?

[ It angers him, truly, that he left her alone. Left her alone so that when she ran into Bonnet...]

Mo Chreach, toll-toine.

[ Curses that he won't translate for his wife. ]

Do ye think she truly loves him? This Roger.

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Claire shakes her head. One argument. If she left Jamie after one argument, well, their story would never unfold. She can't even chalk it up to youth--Roger's older than she was when she married Jamie.]

I don't know. The Roger I knew was a good man, and he was there for Bree during her discovering the truth. I can only assume he was there after, too.

Here... here, before this week, she's always said she's unsure. She's been having trouble settling on what love and a marriage means to her.

[Guess whose fault that is.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie goes quiet at that, but his eyes settle on Claire's. It's almost as if he can read her mind, and his words in Gaelic are gentler now. ]

Mo chridhe. No one kens what love means to them until they're in it.

[ It's not her fault. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I wonder if she's figured it out, then.

[She averts her eyes to look down at Bree, dead asleep between them. Poor thing's cried herself out too many times today.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Perhaps. If she truly loves Roger. But I feel I must tell ye, Sassenach, I dinnae like the sound of this man. Leaving a young lass alone? Christ.

[ Jamie would never. This is the man who slept on the floor in front of Claire's door before she ever loved him, just to protect her. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I agree. To go through the stones after someone is--no small decision. I don't understand how he could just go and leave her.

[Hopefully, Roger remains asleep, wherever his pod might be. He'll have to unhappy parents to deal with if he wakes.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie just shakes his head, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. ]

No doubt his decision to follow her was not for true love.

[ Which only serves to make Jamie angry, of the opinion now that this man wanted something more from his daughter and thought to get it come hell or high water. ]

If I could have gone through the stones to ye Claire it would have been to never leave yer side again as long as I drew breath.

[nineteenfortyfive]

Not all men are you. Unfortunately.

[If only. The world would be a much better place, she thinks.]

Regardless, Bree felt something for him.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ He wonders if she feels anything now. But should this Roger ever wake, Jamie will have a few strong choice words for him. No doubt his wife will, as well. ]

She doesna need to worry about him now. Just healing her mind.

[ Jamie kisses the back of her head, wishing he could part with some of his strength if only to help her. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[That's the hardest thing to heal.]

... you're very good with her. Like you've known her all along.

[seventeenfortythree]

My heart has always kent her, Claire. Since the day I knew she existed in yer womb.

[ Just because he'd never laid eyes on her didn't mean he hadn't thought of her every day, imagined how he would have held her, spoken to her, how Claire might've sang to her.

Jamie Fraser was a man made to be a father but always denied the chance. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

You're a good father. You always have been.

[Now, and then, when he made the decision to send them away. To save them.]

let me slide in here real quick

[givingback]

[ This entire time, Bree's been asleep, facing her mother. There have been no smiles tonight, but her forehead does furrow and slowly her body begins to tense. She makes no sounds other than soft, breathless whimpers as her hands tighten into fists; someone trying to fight, someone terrified and overpowered, even in her sleep. Her body shifts, trying to find room to move, to run, to get away. ]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie can feel the change in her and immediately his arms release from around her and he scoots back as far as he can. He remembers waking up in Claire's arms and mistaking them for Randall's.

He gives his daughter the space she needs, watching her with concern and worry. ]

Brianna...

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Claire loosens her hold on Bree, not wanting her sleeping mind to mistake her arms for a man holding her down, but she does try to cup her face, smoothing away wisps of hair.]

Shh, shh. Mama's here, my little smudge. You're all right. My sweet girl.

[givingback]

[ Somehow, her mother's touch and voice make it to her dreams, and inch by inch, her body begins to relax again. ]

...Mama.

[ She's still out, the word mumbled out as her mind settles again into something different and not horrifying. ]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie has no idea what 'smudge' means in this regard. But to see the way Claire comforts their daughter and the way Brianna relaxes again is incredible. He never knew his heart could both swell and break at the same time. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

There you are. Shh.

[Surer now that she won't be elbowed or cause Bree to panic, she wraps her up in her arms once more and tucks her head under her chin. It's only then, once she feels her breathing level out, that she can afford to turn her attention to Jamie.]

You can relax. She's all right.

[She won't be frightened by feeling Jamie beside her.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie still hesitates though, looking at Claire first to be certain before resting a hand on Brianna's back, moving close again. ]

Do ye have anything to give her, Sassenach? As ye gave me once?

[nineteenfortyfive]

[When she moves her hand up and down Bree's back, she's sure to brush her hand over Jamie's, comforting him as well.]

At home. I didn't bring much with me.

[seventeenfortythree]

Then we just need to be able to get her home, then.

[ It makes him anxious now, to get out of this place, to get her where he knows Claire can give her everything she needs. ]

Is this how ye felt? When it was me?

[ Because he feels as though his heart is outside of his body being crushed. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Yes.

[No use in hiding it.]

And we were younger, then. Less wise. With you... all I wanted was to hold you and make it all go away, but touching you sometimes made you feel worse. It wasn't your fault. Neither of us knew how to traverse those waters.

[seventeenfortythree]

Christ, I wanted ye to be able to make it go away that easily, Claire. Ye have no idea how badly.

[ But she couldn't, and it frustrated him as much as it frustrated her. ]

The nightmares I had...

[ Jamie pauses; he's never divulged to her exactly what they were, what they consisted of. ]

I dreamt I was making love to ye and when I opened my eyes it was Randall. So I killed him. But when I finished it wasna him. It was you. I was so afraid I would hurt ye, Sassenach.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I know.

[Not those exact details, but eventually, she could guess. Randall in his dreams was easily confused with his wife. That monster took away the simplest pleasure Jamie had--Claire. It had taken a lot of work to get back to where they were before.]

You found your way home. And I had to... figure out how to help you get there. I hope we can both use what we learned then to help Bree.

[seventeenfortythree]

We can. We will.

[ They have to because he can't stand to see his bairn suffering.

His only plan for now is to hold her. Keep her close, make sure she knows she isn't alone. ]