[ Bree unwraps it and then smiles softly, her hand moving over the cover over the book. ]
It's perfect, mama, thank you.
[ She's always had a knack for drawing randomly on all sort of things, even once on accident a medical chart her mother had brought home. Luckily, it had been on the back of a folder that could be easily replaced, but she remembers - Claire had tucked the folder into a drawer, keeping it. ]
I talked to Jamie a couple of days ago. Just to try and get to know one another a little better.
[ Claire's been hoping for this, for them to talk, to bond. She wants them to be close if they can but she knows, and he does too, that it's on Bree's timetable and it's whatever she wants. ]
[ Claire feels herself go hot and cold somehow at the same time, and for a moment she can't even wrap her mind around what Brianna's just asked her. But finally, she wets her lips, looking down and exhaling shakily. ]
The twelfth of May.
[ She tries, desperately, to not think about it and yet her firstborn daughter creeps into her thoughts every now and again. She wonders if Faith had lived, if they ever would have gone back to Scotland. If Faith had lived, would Claire have ever gone back through the stones? Would there be Bree? She's quiet, stuck in her own thoughts for so long that she realizes neither of them has spoken in minutes. ]
I'm sorry. That I never told you. It was a very, very difficult thing to go through. I suppose I...never wanted to have to relive it. But you have a right to know.
[ Claire lets out another breath because that question has a larger answer than she thinks Bree is expecting. ]
Well. Jamie's father, Brian passed when Jamie was a bit younger than you are now. Actually, now that I think of it-- [ She pauses here to let her fingers run through Bree's hair for a moment. ] --The same age you were when Frank died. [ It's not a good thing to have in common, but they still know the sudden loss of their father. ] You have quite a lot of cousins and some of them with children of their own now. There's wee Jamie, Maggie, who I delivered, then Katherine, Michael, Janet and young Ian. 'Young' because Ian is named after your uncle.
[ Claire smiles fondly; she'll miss them, all of them, now that so much distance separates them. ]
When Jamie and I went to France, we took in a little boy named Fergus and essentially adopted him. He stayed with us when we went back to Scotland, he was as close to Jamie as he could be all those twenty years, and one of the last things I did before arriving here the second time was attending his wedding. So, Fergus Claudel Fraser is your brother by adoption.
[ That was the easy one. Now the harder parts. ]
Jamie doesn't know this yet, I haven't told him, and to be honest...I'm not sure that I will. He has a son, named William, Willie for short. Jamie wasn't married and Willie's mother died in childbirth, but you do have a half-brother. And you have two step-sisters. Marsali and Joan. Or...ex-stepsisters, though Fergus married Marsali, so I suppose she would be your sister-in-law now.
[ There's a lot to take in there but Bree, of course, hones in on one thing. ]
Jamie was married when you went back?
[ She's frowning, although she knows what the concern was before her mother even went through the stones again: He could have married again, it wouldn't have been an uncommon thing. ]
I'm assuming since you said 'ex' it was over when you showed back up.
[ In that moment, Claire decides to omit the part where he married Laoghaire. It doesn't matter, really, and it opens up needing to tell her daughter about so much hurt and an argument and almost regretting returning to the 18th century. Instead, she simply smiles and nods gently. ]
He wanted to be a father to her children more than he wanted to be her husband. She was a widow, so...
[ Claire reaches out and strokes Bree's cheek tenderly. ]
All that he ever wanted was to be your father, Brianna. And he thought he could fill a void made by my leaving to make sure you were safe. It didn't work. As it turns out, they weren't even living together and hadn't for a long while. According to the law, because I was still alive, his second marriage became null and void.
[ Dropping her hand, she manages another small smile. ]
Sometimes it's hard, to know there's something you should have and know you can never get to it. So you try to replace it with something that should feel all right, but it isn't the same. It never could be.
I was very happy raising you with him. We were always able to agree on what was best when it came to you, Bree. Frank...asked me to promise never to look for Jamie as long as he was alive, and I agreed. I agreed so that you could grow up being loved and taken care of.
[ It hadn't been easy; what if she'd found out Jamie had lived years and years ago? What would she have done then? ]
I don't regret a single day that you were able to be raised with so much love by someone who loved you the moment he held you in his arms, Brianna. And I don't ever want you to believe anything else.
[ Of course she wishes it could have been Jamie, but Frank loved Bree so fiercely that in the end, his love for her was all that mattered. ]
[ Bree really isn't sure what to do with this information. She's always known that Frank loved her, and she was a daddy's girl for sure. But the fact that he'd told Claire she had to stay, essentially? It sits funny in her stomach but she isn't really sure how to voice that yet, so she doesn't. ]
I miss him. So much sometimes.
[ She ducks her head, wiping at a tear that falls against her will. ]
If I'd just stayed with him the night of the accident...
[ Claire has to soothe her right away and she pulls Bree into her arms, closing her eyes and stroking her hair. ]
Nothing good will come of thinking that way. If you'd stayed with him, then you would have both been in the accident. I could have lost you, Bree and I have gone through many, many things. But losing you isn't something I could ever recover from.
[ She knows it. She knows it just as much as she knows she needs Jamie to feel alive. Losing Brianna would have killed her without anything left to anchor her to the ground. ]
I lost daddy. And then I lost you, too. Even though I knew where you were, in 1968 you'd already been dead for 200 years. I don't know if you can claim this once you're eighteen and older but I was an orphan. And I wanted to be brave for you but it was hard. It was so hard.
[ Claire has always known that it wouldn't be easy. That her darling girl held it together long enough to say goodbye and then - if Claire had to guess - had a meltdown. But hearing it now fills Claire with some kind of guilt that's snuck up on her and squeezes her heart.
Was it the right decision? To leave her, to find Jamie and be with him instead? Of course none of it matters now because Bree is on her way to them, but nevertheless. She pulls back only to cradle her daughter's face. ]
It was so incredibly difficult to leave you, Brianna. I've thought about it every day since then, whether or not it was the right choice. I don't know if it was or not. But I do know that everything you hoped would come out of it did happen. He still loves me, just as you said he would. It was all confusing and frustrating sometimes, but for each of us, being together again started our hearts again. And we will always have you to thank for that. Our daughter.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's perfect, mama, thank you.
[ She's always had a knack for drawing randomly on all sort of things, even once on accident a medical chart her mother had brought home. Luckily, it had been on the back of a folder that could be easily replaced, but she remembers - Claire had tucked the folder into a drawer, keeping it. ]
I talked to Jamie a couple of days ago. Just to try and get to know one another a little better.
no subject
[ Claire's been hoping for this, for them to talk, to bond. She wants them to be close if they can but she knows, and he does too, that it's on Bree's timetable and it's whatever she wants. ]
It was a good conversation, I hope.
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It was.
[ Clearly, that's not what she wants to say, and she hesitates but finally asks what she wants to ask, her tone gentle. ]
When is Faith's birthday?
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The twelfth of May.
[ She tries, desperately, to not think about it and yet her firstborn daughter creeps into her thoughts every now and again. She wonders if Faith had lived, if they ever would have gone back to Scotland. If Faith had lived, would Claire have ever gone back through the stones? Would there be Bree? She's quiet, stuck in her own thoughts for so long that she realizes neither of them has spoken in minutes. ]
I'm sorry. That I never told you. It was a very, very difficult thing to go through. I suppose I...never wanted to have to relive it. But you have a right to know.
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I understand why you didn't. And I don't need you to say any more about it, I promise.
[ She won't ask her mother to relive it detail by detail. Brianna knows all she needs to. ]
What other family do I have? Cousins and aunts and uncles. You've told me about Jenny and Ellen.
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Well. Jamie's father, Brian passed when Jamie was a bit younger than you are now. Actually, now that I think of it-- [ She pauses here to let her fingers run through Bree's hair for a moment. ] --The same age you were when Frank died. [ It's not a good thing to have in common, but they still know the sudden loss of their father. ] You have quite a lot of cousins and some of them with children of their own now. There's wee Jamie, Maggie, who I delivered, then Katherine, Michael, Janet and young Ian. 'Young' because Ian is named after your uncle.
[ Claire smiles fondly; she'll miss them, all of them, now that so much distance separates them. ]
When Jamie and I went to France, we took in a little boy named Fergus and essentially adopted him. He stayed with us when we went back to Scotland, he was as close to Jamie as he could be all those twenty years, and one of the last things I did before arriving here the second time was attending his wedding. So, Fergus Claudel Fraser is your brother by adoption.
[ That was the easy one. Now the harder parts. ]
Jamie doesn't know this yet, I haven't told him, and to be honest...I'm not sure that I will. He has a son, named William, Willie for short. Jamie wasn't married and Willie's mother died in childbirth, but you do have a half-brother. And you have two step-sisters. Marsali and Joan. Or...ex-stepsisters, though Fergus married Marsali, so I suppose she would be your sister-in-law now.
no subject
Jamie was married when you went back?
[ She's frowning, although she knows what the concern was before her mother even went through the stones again: He could have married again, it wouldn't have been an uncommon thing. ]
I'm assuming since you said 'ex' it was over when you showed back up.
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He wanted to be a father to her children more than he wanted to be her husband. She was a widow, so...
[ Claire reaches out and strokes Bree's cheek tenderly. ]
All that he ever wanted was to be your father, Brianna. And he thought he could fill a void made by my leaving to make sure you were safe. It didn't work. As it turns out, they weren't even living together and hadn't for a long while. According to the law, because I was still alive, his second marriage became null and void.
[ Dropping her hand, she manages another small smile. ]
Sometimes it's hard, to know there's something you should have and know you can never get to it. So you try to replace it with something that should feel all right, but it isn't the same. It never could be.
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You tried to be happy with Daddy, but you weren't. It wasn't the same.
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[ It hadn't been easy; what if she'd found out Jamie had lived years and years ago? What would she have done then? ]
I don't regret a single day that you were able to be raised with so much love by someone who loved you the moment he held you in his arms, Brianna. And I don't ever want you to believe anything else.
[ Of course she wishes it could have been Jamie, but Frank loved Bree so fiercely that in the end, his love for her was all that mattered. ]
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I miss him. So much sometimes.
[ She ducks her head, wiping at a tear that falls against her will. ]
If I'd just stayed with him the night of the accident...
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[ Claire has to soothe her right away and she pulls Bree into her arms, closing her eyes and stroking her hair. ]
Nothing good will come of thinking that way. If you'd stayed with him, then you would have both been in the accident. I could have lost you, Bree and I have gone through many, many things. But losing you isn't something I could ever recover from.
[ She knows it. She knows it just as much as she knows she needs Jamie to feel alive. Losing Brianna would have killed her without anything left to anchor her to the ground. ]
no subject
I lost daddy. And then I lost you, too. Even though I knew where you were, in 1968 you'd already been dead for 200 years. I don't know if you can claim this once you're eighteen and older but I was an orphan. And I wanted to be brave for you but it was hard. It was so hard.
no subject
Was it the right decision? To leave her, to find Jamie and be with him instead? Of course none of it matters now because Bree is on her way to them, but nevertheless. She pulls back only to cradle her daughter's face. ]
It was so incredibly difficult to leave you, Brianna. I've thought about it every day since then, whether or not it was the right choice. I don't know if it was or not. But I do know that everything you hoped would come out of it did happen. He still loves me, just as you said he would. It was all confusing and frustrating sometimes, but for each of us, being together again started our hearts again. And we will always have you to thank for that. Our daughter.
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This is the best birthday I've had in a while. I never thought I'd see you for another one.
[ Which makes this one that much more important. ]
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[ Claire's voice may or may not be muffled in Bree's hair as she holds onto her tightly. ]
But you will. When you make it to North Carolina. My sweet girl.