givingback | open post

[ Hearing her talk about all of this is fascinating, and Bree's chin is in her hands as she listens. ]

It was probably lust.

[ She says that like she knows; she's only heard things about how men think, but she's already wary of them in general. ]

What do you hope now, most of all?

[ That's probably a loaded question, but. ]

[Claire will do Jamie a favor by not confirming nor denying Bree's suspicion. Even though Claire agrees.

It's Bree's question that has her eyes opening a little wider in surprise. Oh, most certainly a loaded question. She wets her lips and gives it some consideration--as if she hasn't been hoping the whole time.]

I hope that... he--[She frowns.]

That he's happy.

[With the life he's had, with them returning. She knows it'll change everything for him, settled with a new family or not, but she just hopes he won't hate her for it.]

[ With that answer, Bree uncurls herself and moves so that she can wrap her arms around Claire, closing her eyes as she rests her head on her shoulder. It's not an answer that needs explanation; she's thought of all the thing that could be when they meet again. Even if he never stopped being in love with Claire, he could have found a way to be happy with another woman, he could have an entire family. Everything's a complete unknown.

Another reason Bree couldn't let her come alone. ]

No matter what happens, you have me.

I do.

[Her sweet girl. It's easy to wrap her arms around her and press a kiss to her head, rubbing her back. She did always have Bree. Even if she wasn't always there, even if they butted heads, Brianna was always the best thing to happen to her.]

And what do you hope, hmm? Fair's fair.

[ Well that's not fair but FINE. She's still quiet as she thinks about her answer, concentrating on the way it feels when Claire rubs her back. It reminds her of sick days and snow days and all the random lazy Sundays in between. And that's where she finds her answer. ]

I hope I can see you really, really happy.

[ She's seen her mom happy, with stories and achievements and happy celebrations. But what would it be like to see her happy in a way that only one person could ever do for her? That's what she hopes for, that happiness. To catch even a glimpse of it.

She also hopes everything they've fixed between them stays intact and is built upon, but that one she keeps to herself. ]

[Claire smiles, pulling back but keeping a hold on Bree. One hand moves to cup her chin.]

I hope you're not implying that you haven't seen me really, really happy. [Not with Frank, no, but Brianna's brought her so much joy. Truthfully, Claire's a little worried about Brianna seeing just how different she is around Jamie than she was with Frank, but they'll cross that road when they get there.]

Though... I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle the sight of both of you, together. [Her smile doesn't dim, but her eyes do become a little glassy. Her two loves.] I never thought it'd be possible. He always wanted children. A lot of them. Twelve.

[One for each spoon. The memory is bittersweet. They had Faith. They had Fergus. And then Brianna. Perhaps he had more children and got his wish. They'll have to see.]

I know I've made you happy, I promise.

[ That's definitely not what she meant, and she has to reassure her, right away. ]

I suppose I just mean...a certain kind of happiness.

[ Something about that is so heartbreaking though, knowing that what they wanted and what they received were two very different things. ]

You deserve more than you got. I don't know if I would have believed that before I saw what happened at the stones; before I believed you. But I do now.

[Claire can't help but press a kiss to Bree's cheek.]

I wouldn't change anything. [Mostly true. Raising Bree in this time would have been difficult, especially after Culloden. Especially being the wife of Red Jamie. Brianna got an education and a life she could have never had here, and freedoms not granted to young women yet. Things she's now given up.

But perhaps Claire would have changed things with Frank. Found a way for him be in Brianna's life and also have his own without being trapped in a marriage.]

We had a good life in Boston, you and I. To Jamie, that meant everything. You meant everything.

[ Smiling in agreement, Bree curls up against Claire's side again, closing her eyes now as she takes in the only familiar thing to her now: Her mother. The way she smells when Brianna presses her face close for a hug, the way her hands feel when they hold onto her, the wrap of her arm around her shoulders. That's all she has now that makes sense, but she wouldn't trade it to go back. Not for anything. ]

I'm excited to meet him. Nervous, but still excited. I want to know all about him, to know what he was like when he was my age, what he liked. I know we grew up so differently, but what if we liked the same things, or the same foods. That's the sort of thing I really want to know.

Well. [Some of that, she can answer. Things she's noticed over the years but couldn't breathe a word to anyone about. Her fingers comb through some of Brianna's hair, the most obvious thing she inherited from her father.]

You both eat like cows. I never knew where he put it all, just like I don't know with you.

[Is she serious? It's a mystery, but Bree might feel her shake a little, trying not to laugh.]

What?!

[ Well, that wakes her right up and she looks at Claire with narrowed eyes, though there's laughter in them she has no idea how to hide. ]

I do not eat like a cow.

[ So much mock offense as she settles back against her side. ]

I eat like a horse.

[ There's that humor she inherited :') ]

Ah, yes. Horses are much cuter. I'm so sorry.

[Not even a little sorry.]

Your father always joked you got your temper and stubbornness from me, which might be partially true, but Jamie's got them, too.

[Father and father. That might get confusing--and painful--later, but for now she trusts know Bree knows who she means. Frank will always be her father.]

... my temper is probably worse. Or at least it used to be.

[No, Claire, it's still there.]

But Jamie had a wonderful sense of humor, too. He always knew how to make me laugh.

[ Bree knows there might be confusion surrounding who raised her and who helped make her, but it's something she knew she would have to deal with and she's as mentally prepared as she can be. She hopes. Eying Claire critically, she stifles another yawn before clearing her throat. ]

What do you mean used to be? If your temper ever goes anywhere, I'll be worried about you. I'm being serious.

[ After a quiet pause, Brianna murmurs softly, perhaps even a little sleepily. ]

Daddy was so serious all the time. Well, a lot of the time. I guess I can be, but not the way he was. I always wondered how our personalities could be so different as I got older.

[ Mystery solved, at least. ]

I'll let you have that one.

[Even Claire knows she can't argue it. Brianna was spared the arguments between Claire and Frank, but that doesn't mean she never lose her temper in front of Bree. It wasn't always difficult juggling medical school, a child, and a career. Not to mention everything else.]

There's plenty of Frank in you, too. I don't think you'd be as clever as you are without his guidance.

[Jamie was an educated man as well, but he wasn't there to teach her.]

It's been a long day. Let's get into bed, darling.

[ She's glad. She's glad she's like her father who loved her so much that Bree never doubted it. But knowing how she's like Jamie is intriguing to her, like playing a game of 'spot the differences in the pictures' but in reverse.

Yawning, she moves so that she's on one side of the bed and her mother has the other. Once they're settled, she blows out the candle on her nightstand and lays on her side, facing Claire. After a moment, though, she can't help whispering in the dark. ]

It's so quiet. With no glowing lights where small things are.

[ In the dark now, she sounds a little younger, a little more afraid of the decision she's made (though she doesn't regret it), and she's almost immediately pressing as close to Claire as she can. ]

[Claire mirrors the motions, blowing out the candle and slipping under the blankets to face her daughter. The only sounds are from the street below, people heading home or wandering off somewhere for the night. No cars. No planes. No hum of electricity.]

When I came back, the noise was difficult for me for some time. Planes startled me and the radio gave me a headache. It took a while for my mind to adjust, just as it will for you to get used to this.

[It's been a long time since Bree's cuddled up to her in bed, but Christ, she's missed it. She'll always be her little girl. She guides her head to a comfortable spot on her shoulder and resumes petting her hair, soothing her.]

Don't be afraid. You have me, and you'll have Jamie. There's nothing to fear as long as you're with us.

[ Bree didn't even know how much she missed this, she can't even remember the last time it happened, but she's extremely glad for it right now. Just before sleep begins to pull her in, Brianna murmurs one last thing. ]

I love you, mama.

[ It's the stroking of her hair that eventually does her in, pulling her under. ]

I love you too, Bree.

[And she knows Jamie will, too. No matter what's happened over the years or how things have changed. They made this wonderful person in her arms. They'll always have that.

Claire spends some time stroking her hair, thinking about what the next day might hold, before sleep takes her, too.]

[ The next morning, after being helped back into her clothes and wrangling her hair into a respectable updo, Brianna gives her mother one more pep talk before sending her through the door. She promises to stay right where she is, and while she might have tested that at home, and she might test it in the future, today she doesn't. She sits and eats some hard bread, cheese and some kind of meat, though she isn't sure what it is. And she has wine, which is what everyone drinks, apparently, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How everyone isn't dying of dehydration is totally beyond her.

As time passes she paces, makes the bed, tidies the table with the food and essentially fidgets. She looks out of the window which is, unfortunately on the opposite side of the building from the entrance. She's nervous and curious and everything in between, hoping for so much for her mother. For all three of them.

When she hears Claire's voice on the stairs, she can't help but hope she laced Bree's being here with mystery, a true surprise for him after twenty years of wondering. Bree stands, smoothing out the clothing she's wearing, brushing that errant (and now curly) hair aside, and facing the door. Just as it opens, she's letting out a deep breath and is very nearly vibrating with anticipation. ]

Edited 2018-01-11 04:26 (UTC)

[This was not the day James Fraser was expecting to have, but God, he wouldn't change it for the world.

The morning has been a whirlwind. Claire, not some ghost or figment of his imagination, right in front of him. His back aches a bit from his fainting spell, and his heart hasn't stopped pounding since she touched him, but he's managed to hold it together fairly well he'd like to think. The photographs--amazing things--almost did him in. Brianna. Claire had looked ready to fall apart herself when telling him about her, but he'd interrupted her to tell her about Willie. He couldn't keep that from her. Sometimes he'd talk to her when he couldn't sleep, tell her about the boy, and prayed she wouldn't hate him for it. She didn't.

Oh, but she might later.

Then it was time for business, and when that was settled he began to lead her to a place where they could have some privacy. But she'd grabbed his hand in the middle of the road and said two words that made his breathing stop: Brianna's here.

Christ, Sassenach, ye couldn't have told me this before?

Like he's one to talk.

Still, he had laughed, in absolute shock and disbelief.

Now here they were.

Claire ushers him into the room before he has a chance to truly try and think, and he's not sure what he expected. The young woman in the photos, maybe, but they do her no justice. The colorized ones didn't come near to capturing the red of her hair or the brightness of her eyes. And for some reason he's surprised to see her dressed so--and so he stares, jaw slack, blue eyes blinking back he burning behind them.

He almost feels like he could hit the ground again and reaches a hand out blindly to grab the back of the chair by the door.]

[None of today feels real, and just as Claire expected, this feels like some sort of out of body experience. Jamie had been nervous, just as nervous as herself and Bree on the way over, but there was no choice but to put one foot in front of the other. Stepping into the room, she has barely enough time to shut the door behind them before she sees the color leave Jamie's face.

Gently, but firmly, she grabs onto the arm of his that's holding onto the chair for dear life. A glance down shows his knuckles are white. He likely won't go down for a second time today, but Claire keeps a hold on him just in case.]

Jamie, Brianna. Brianna, Jamie.

[As if they don't know. But it's better than the silence of the two of them seeing one another for the first time in the flesh. No one tells you how to handle these sorts of things, do they?]

[ Brianna didn't know what to expect either, and when he comes through the door, when he look at her, she feels like he might be able to see her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest. Her eyes flicker to his hand, wondering if he's going to pass out without knowing he already has once today, and she wets her lips. What does she do now? Does she shake his hand? Hug him? Do women curtsey? Oh, no, she doesn't know what to do, and it's what's keeping her from moving and the reason her mouth is slightly open.

But, finally, she snaps out of it and walks closer, standing in front of him now, Jamie, the person who wanted her more than anything but had to give her up. She looks at him up close, at his eyes, his skin, then smiles just a little. ]

We have the same nose, I think.

[ It's all she can come up with right now; she's in shock so it's surprising she was able to speak at all. ]

[She's more beautiful than any image light on paper could paint. All at once, he sees it. Bits of his own mother, bits of Claire, bits of himself. Bits of Faith, though he only ever heard of her and drew up a picture in his mind of how she must have looked, not seen her with his own eyes.

When she moves, moves towards him, for a moment his vision darkens around the edges. But he can feel Claire gripping his arm, and her other hand against the small of his back, and it reminds him that this is real. This is happening. This is his daughter. And oh, God, she's speaking.

... with the strangest accent he's ever heard. It's clear on his face for a moment. And then he laughs. It's almost just a breath, everything still caught in his throat and his chest, but she's here and she's speaking and she's a witty one. Just like her mother.]

I'm afraid I don't spend much time looking down at my own nose, lass.

[His free hand lifts, almost as if to touch her face, but he thinks better of it. It's an awkward motion that has him standing uncomfortably, every emotion wanting him to crush her to his chest, but not wanting to frighten her.]

[ Bree sees that movement of his hand, the hesitation, and without thinking too much about it, she reaches out and takes it, fingers closing around his. She holds onto him and that connection, that feeling of his hand in hers, of the same blood flowing through their palms feels like something. ]

It's nice to finally meet you, James Fraser.

[ Then, she's the one to make that final step so that he can hug her. Awkward for her, maybe. But she knows it's needed for him, so she does it, letting him finally embrace the child he knew of by thought only. ]

[It's fast. She's touching him, and then she's moving closer, and it's all he can do to keep himself from breaking apart. Strong arms wrap around her and hold her as tightly as he'd dare. There, lips pressing into her hair, he weeps. Nothing more than tears and the shaking of his body, no sobs, but he can't help it. As often as he's had dreams of Claire, he's had dreams of this child, and now they're both here.]

It's--it's wonderful to meet ye, Brianna.

[Randall, he supposes. He says her name differently than Claire. That Scottish accent does a wonder on the simplest of words, but it's already full of love. He does love her. He's loved her for twenty years.]

You were always in my prayers. Every night, I prayed.

[Now here they were.]

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