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[givingback]

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[nineteenfortyfive]

I don't know how we could let her go. Or me, let her stay. At least... it's nothing to worry about here.

[They just have a different set of problems.]

[seventeenfortythree]

We'll see her through this, you and I, Sassenach.

[ For a moment there's nothing but the quiet of Brianna sleeping, but Jamie knows Claire isn't asleep, so he speaks again, softly. ]

When I imagined holding her in my arms, Claire, it wasna because she was so broken.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I never told her about what happened to you. In Wentworth. [The words are said in a more quiet whisper, not for worry of Bree waking, but out of respect to him.] She knows you were injured. That's all. It was never my story to tell.

[The unsaid hangs in the air: If you feel like sharing it with her, letting her know how deeply you understand, then that's your decision.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's quiet again, for a while, swallowing back tears of rage and grief. ]

First our son. Now our daughter. I cannae...I would do anythin', Claire, to take away the pain I know is so...

[ He trails off.

He realizes, if he sleeps now, he may not be without his own nightmares. ]

It takes a piece of every part of you.

[ Naked. Behind a blade of grass. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[In the silence, she reaches out to comb her fingers through his hair, just as she's been doing for Bree.]

You understand. You know what it is to... survive it. To not let the monster win.

[seventeenfortythree]

I survived. But in the process I almost...

[ Destroyed their marriage completely. ]

There was a cost, Claire.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I didn't understand, then. What it did to you. I mean... in a way, but not as I should have.

[It wasn't just him that strained the marriage. She played an equal, if not greater part, thrusting him into the politics of stopping a war without a moment to really see how he was doing.]

It won't be like that for her. We'll see to it. And... if it brings up unpleasant memories for you, I'm here. I'm always here, Jamie.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie nods, trusting his wife, knowing he has his wife to turn to, knowing they'll be able to take care of their daughter together. ]

I'll be fine. I'll be fine for Bree.

[ But. ]

If I need you, I won't hide it.

[nineteenfortyfive]

Good. I'll be very cross if you do, James Fraser.

[She manages a smile for him, tucking some of his hair behind his ear.]

She's lucky to have you for a father.

[seventeenfortythree]

Well. We'll see how good I do in the days to come. Holding her, that's been the easy part. I dinnae think I ever want to let her go.

[ If he holds her just like this, then nothing can happen to her. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

It's good that she wants to be held.

[He hadn't wanted her to touch him at all.]

She'll always be our baby, no matter how big she gets.

[seventeenfortythree]

When I thought of her, I always imagined a babe. An infant I could cradle in my arms.

[ It's been so very confusing to reconcile the two images. What's real versus what he'd imagined. ]

My gift to you. And your gift to me.

[nineteenfortyfive]

She's no infant, but she's small enough to cradle. Or, really, you're big enough to do it.

[She huffs out a small breath of air. Almost, but not quite, a laugh.]

You mush be squished against the wall, there.

[seventeenfortythree]

It doesna matter. Whatever aches, I'll work them out in the morning. I won't move and displace her.

[ He doesn't care what hurts he has when Brianna wakes. It's worth it. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I might wake her in an hour or so to eat. She got sick, when she came out of stasis. You could do with more food, too.

[Claire, also. She's been so happy, then so worried, then so utterly heartsick that filling her own belly hasn't occurred to her.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie nods, deferring to her for what's best for Brianna right now. ]

If ye think it's wise, though I dinnae have an appetite myself.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I doubt she will, either. But we all need to keep up our strength. You and I aren't going to sleep much, so we must eat.

[She cups his cheek.]

Do it for me, hmm?

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's head turns and he lets out a breath, kissing her palm. ]

Anything for you, then. A little, if ye decide to wake her.

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Her thumb traces his bottom lip.]

I love you.

[A strange time to say it, maybe, but it feels like too long since she last has.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie reaches with his free hand to cover her own. ]

I love ye, Sassenach. Every part of me burns for ye.

[nineteenfortyfive]

You've given me the most perfect children a mother could ask for.

[Be they blood or found in a brothel in Paris.]

And while I'm worried for her, I know that she'll be all right with you by her side to guide her through this. You have such a good heart.

[seventeenfortythree]

Ye realize, Claire, this is the first time I've...

[ He stops. She knows. Everything with Brianna he's experiencing as a parent for the first time. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[She does know. It's the first time he's held his daughter in bed, first time he's held them both. Claire strokes his cheek, wishing she could hug him, but she can't even entertain the thought of not having Bree against her.]

I know. There are going to be a lot of firsts, Jamie. A lot of good ones.

The first time she chooses you over me, for example.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ He kisses the back of Bree's head softly. ]

We'll see about that.

[ But the thought does make him smile a little. And then he settles again, feeling the steady rise and fall of his daughter against his chest. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[She thinks about telling him about the bruises she saw. The blood. But Jamie can surely imagine it enough on his own, so there's no need to torture him with the confirmation of his nightmares.]

We're lucky she sleeps like a rock.