Well, I did mention the witch trial. [Just maybe not all the fine details. A lot of it, she doesn't know if Bree's ready to hear, especially when she just made a choice to be in this time. She doesn't want to frighten her when she can tell it's beginning to dawn on her just how different the times are.]
It's... a lot. The last person I told was Frank. [And he had listened, taken it as well as he could, and then they never spoke of it again.] And some of it is Jamie's to tell, if he chooses.
[Like Wentworth. Claire glossed over that time if ever she had to mention it.]
If you have more questions, I'll answer them. [Which is a novel thing. She's never been able to be completely open with Bree. Perhaps another reason to never leave her: they've only just found this place.] It's a little early to turn in.
[ lol when you don't remember canon because you were crying through it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]
I want to hear the good parts.
[ She's very aware that things weren't always good or even just fine, but she also knows her mother was very in love and considered herself very happy with Jamie. So much so that for this long, she's ached for someone she thought she couldn't have. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, she undoes her hair and lets it fall down her shoulders. It's already starting to curl a bit at the ends. ]
[Mama just skipped the whole lashing bit, it's fine.
Laughing a little, Claire pulls her own legs onto the bed, having shed her raincoat-dress earlier.]
That one isn't very exciting. He'd dislocated his shoulder, and his clansmen were going to snap his arm in half in their efforts to slip it back into the socket. I stepped in [because of course she did] and did it for him.
[Thinking back, he'd had his eyes on her the whole while. At the time she thought it because of her clothing or the pain, but it had been the beginning of a relationship to span centuries. It was love.]
... and then he got shot. I handled that for him, too.
[She's doing her best not to look too amused. Oh, she wasn't at the time, but both Jamie and Claire saw the humor in their meeting and her constantly fixing his injuries.]
And then you just fell in love? When did you know?
[ Bree's still young, she's never been in love and this is so extraordinary that she's curious about how everything happened and when. What makes someone fall through time and fall in love with a random guy with a dislocated shoulder? She also wants to see Jamie more through her mother's eyes. There have been glimpses, but no stories like this. ]
Sounds like it's a really good thing you're a surgeon now. It seems like he'll need it.
[ She's kind of teasing but also a shoulder wound and a gunshot all in the same meeting? What are the chances? ]
[Claire looks a little bashful, glancing down at the ring on her hand.]
It wasn't that quick. I didn't love him until after we were married. I couldn't tell you when exactly it happened. [But she has a vivid memory of sitting in the dark with Geillis. She had asked her then if she loved him, and Claire didn't answer. She did. She did love Jamie, and she felt awful for it because of Frank. It wasn't fair to any of them.]
He said he loved me the moment he saw me. I don't know how true that is, but I do know he felt more strongly for me at first. Of course, he didn't have all the complications I did. It was easier, for Jamie. But... he's a loving man, in general.
[That couldn't have changed. But she does hope some things have changed over the past two decades.]
I'd hope I won't be sewing him back together. He's no longer a young man.
[She's done more complex surgeries over the years, but that surgery on his hand will forever be the toughest she's done, simply because it was on the man she loved more than anything. Maybe those scars have faded, or maybe they've been replaced by others. But that's a story for Jamie to share with Bree, not Claire.]
[Claire will do Jamie a favor by not confirming nor denying Bree's suspicion. Even though Claire agrees.
It's Bree's question that has her eyes opening a little wider in surprise. Oh, most certainly a loaded question. She wets her lips and gives it some consideration--as if she hasn't been hoping the whole time.]
I hope that... he--[She frowns.]
That he's happy.
[With the life he's had, with them returning. She knows it'll change everything for him, settled with a new family or not, but she just hopes he won't hate her for it.]
[ With that answer, Bree uncurls herself and moves so that she can wrap her arms around Claire, closing her eyes as she rests her head on her shoulder. It's not an answer that needs explanation; she's thought of all the thing that could be when they meet again. Even if he never stopped being in love with Claire, he could have found a way to be happy with another woman, he could have an entire family. Everything's a complete unknown.
Another reason Bree couldn't let her come alone. ]
[Her sweet girl. It's easy to wrap her arms around her and press a kiss to her head, rubbing her back. She did always have Bree. Even if she wasn't always there, even if they butted heads, Brianna was always the best thing to happen to her.]
[ Well that's not fair but FINE. She's still quiet as she thinks about her answer, concentrating on the way it feels when Claire rubs her back. It reminds her of sick days and snow days and all the random lazy Sundays in between. And that's where she finds her answer. ]
I hope I can see you really, really happy.
[ She's seen her mom happy, with stories and achievements and happy celebrations. But what would it be like to see her happy in a way that only one person could ever do for her? That's what she hopes for, that happiness. To catch even a glimpse of it.
She also hopes everything they've fixed between them stays intact and is built upon, but that one she keeps to herself. ]
[Claire smiles, pulling back but keeping a hold on Bree. One hand moves to cup her chin.]
I hope you're not implying that you haven't seen me really, really happy. [Not with Frank, no, but Brianna's brought her so much joy. Truthfully, Claire's a little worried about Brianna seeing just how different she is around Jamie than she was with Frank, but they'll cross that road when they get there.]
Though... I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle the sight of both of you, together. [Her smile doesn't dim, but her eyes do become a little glassy. Her two loves.] I never thought it'd be possible. He always wanted children. A lot of them. Twelve.
[One for each spoon. The memory is bittersweet. They had Faith. They had Fergus. And then Brianna. Perhaps he had more children and got his wish. They'll have to see.]
[ That's definitely not what she meant, and she has to reassure her, right away. ]
I suppose I just mean...a certain kind of happiness.
[ Something about that is so heartbreaking though, knowing that what they wanted and what they received were two very different things. ]
You deserve more than you got. I don't know if I would have believed that before I saw what happened at the stones; before I believed you. But I do now.
[Claire can't help but press a kiss to Bree's cheek.]
I wouldn't change anything. [Mostly true. Raising Bree in this time would have been difficult, especially after Culloden. Especially being the wife of Red Jamie. Brianna got an education and a life she could have never had here, and freedoms not granted to young women yet. Things she's now given up.
But perhaps Claire would have changed things with Frank. Found a way for him be in Brianna's life and also have his own without being trapped in a marriage.]
We had a good life in Boston, you and I. To Jamie, that meant everything. You meant everything.
[ Smiling in agreement, Bree curls up against Claire's side again, closing her eyes now as she takes in the only familiar thing to her now: Her mother. The way she smells when Brianna presses her face close for a hug, the way her hands feel when they hold onto her, the wrap of her arm around her shoulders. That's all she has now that makes sense, but she wouldn't trade it to go back. Not for anything. ]
I'm excited to meet him. Nervous, but still excited. I want to know all about him, to know what he was like when he was my age, what he liked. I know we grew up so differently, but what if we liked the same things, or the same foods. That's the sort of thing I really want to know.
Well. [Some of that, she can answer. Things she's noticed over the years but couldn't breathe a word to anyone about. Her fingers comb through some of Brianna's hair, the most obvious thing she inherited from her father.]
You both eat like cows. I never knew where he put it all, just like I don't know with you.
[Is she serious? It's a mystery, but Bree might feel her shake a little, trying not to laugh.]
Your father always joked you got your temper and stubbornness from me, which might be partially true, but Jamie's got them, too.
[Father and father. That might get confusing--and painful--later, but for now she trusts know Bree knows who she means. Frank will always be her father.]
... my temper is probably worse. Or at least it used to be.
[No, Claire, it's still there.]
But Jamie had a wonderful sense of humor, too. He always knew how to make me laugh.
[ Bree knows there might be confusion surrounding who raised her and who helped make her, but it's something she knew she would have to deal with and she's as mentally prepared as she can be. She hopes. Eying Claire critically, she stifles another yawn before clearing her throat. ]
What do you mean used to be? If your temper ever goes anywhere, I'll be worried about you. I'm being serious.
[ After a quiet pause, Brianna murmurs softly, perhaps even a little sleepily. ]
Daddy was so serious all the time. Well, a lot of the time. I guess I can be, but not the way he was. I always wondered how our personalities could be so different as I got older.
[Even Claire knows she can't argue it. Brianna was spared the arguments between Claire and Frank, but that doesn't mean she never lose her temper in front of Bree. It wasn't always difficult juggling medical school, a child, and a career. Not to mention everything else.]
There's plenty of Frank in you, too. I don't think you'd be as clever as you are without his guidance.
[Jamie was an educated man as well, but he wasn't there to teach her.]
It's been a long day. Let's get into bed, darling.
[ She's glad. She's glad she's like her father who loved her so much that Bree never doubted it. But knowing how she's like Jamie is intriguing to her, like playing a game of 'spot the differences in the pictures' but in reverse.
Yawning, she moves so that she's on one side of the bed and her mother has the other. Once they're settled, she blows out the candle on her nightstand and lays on her side, facing Claire. After a moment, though, she can't help whispering in the dark. ]
It's so quiet. With no glowing lights where small things are.
[ In the dark now, she sounds a little younger, a little more afraid of the decision she's made (though she doesn't regret it), and she's almost immediately pressing as close to Claire as she can. ]
[Claire mirrors the motions, blowing out the candle and slipping under the blankets to face her daughter. The only sounds are from the street below, people heading home or wandering off somewhere for the night. No cars. No planes. No hum of electricity.]
When I came back, the noise was difficult for me for some time. Planes startled me and the radio gave me a headache. It took a while for my mind to adjust, just as it will for you to get used to this.
[It's been a long time since Bree's cuddled up to her in bed, but Christ, she's missed it. She'll always be her little girl. She guides her head to a comfortable spot on her shoulder and resumes petting her hair, soothing her.]
Don't be afraid. You have me, and you'll have Jamie. There's nothing to fear as long as you're with us.
[ Bree didn't even know how much she missed this, she can't even remember the last time it happened, but she's extremely glad for it right now. Just before sleep begins to pull her in, Brianna murmurs one last thing. ]
I love you, mama.
[ It's the stroking of her hair that eventually does her in, pulling her under. ]
[And she knows Jamie will, too. No matter what's happened over the years or how things have changed. They made this wonderful person in her arms. They'll always have that.
Claire spends some time stroking her hair, thinking about what the next day might hold, before sleep takes her, too.]
[ The next morning, after being helped back into her clothes and wrangling her hair into a respectable updo, Brianna gives her mother one more pep talk before sending her through the door. She promises to stay right where she is, and while she might have tested that at home, and she might test it in the future, today she doesn't. She sits and eats some hard bread, cheese and some kind of meat, though she isn't sure what it is. And she has wine, which is what everyone drinks, apparently, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How everyone isn't dying of dehydration is totally beyond her.
As time passes she paces, makes the bed, tidies the table with the food and essentially fidgets. She looks out of the window which is, unfortunately on the opposite side of the building from the entrance. She's nervous and curious and everything in between, hoping for so much for her mother. For all three of them.
When she hears Claire's voice on the stairs, she can't help but hope she laced Bree's being here with mystery, a true surprise for him after twenty years of wondering. Bree stands, smoothing out the clothing she's wearing, brushing that errant (and now curly) hair aside, and facing the door. Just as it opens, she's letting out a deep breath and is very nearly vibrating with anticipation. ]
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givingback) wrote2018-01-06 09:51 am
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[ She frowns and when everything is done and she's in her shift, she turns to look at her. ]
You haven't told me about things that happened to you here other than meeting Jamie.
[ She knows things like there was a trip to France, but all of the details? The things that happened are a total mystery. ]
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It's... a lot. The last person I told was Frank. [And he had listened, taken it as well as he could, and then they never spoke of it again.] And some of it is Jamie's to tell, if he chooses.
[Like Wentworth. Claire glossed over that time if ever she had to mention it.]
If you have more questions, I'll answer them. [Which is a novel thing. She's never been able to be completely open with Bree. Perhaps another reason to never leave her: they've only just found this place.] It's a little early to turn in.
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I want to hear the good parts.
[ She's very aware that things weren't always good or even just fine, but she also knows her mother was very in love and considered herself very happy with Jamie. So much so that for this long, she's ached for someone she thought she couldn't have. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, she undoes her hair and lets it fall down her shoulders. It's already starting to curl a bit at the ends. ]
Tell me about meeting Jamie. Will you?
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Laughing a little, Claire pulls her own legs onto the bed, having shed her raincoat-dress earlier.]
That one isn't very exciting. He'd dislocated his shoulder, and his clansmen were going to snap his arm in half in their efforts to slip it back into the socket. I stepped in [because of course she did] and did it for him.
[Thinking back, he'd had his eyes on her the whole while. At the time she thought it because of her clothing or the pain, but it had been the beginning of a relationship to span centuries. It was love.]
... and then he got shot. I handled that for him, too.
[She's doing her best not to look too amused. Oh, she wasn't at the time, but both Jamie and Claire saw the humor in their meeting and her constantly fixing his injuries.]
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[ Bree's still young, she's never been in love and this is so extraordinary that she's curious about how everything happened and when. What makes someone fall through time and fall in love with a random guy with a dislocated shoulder? She also wants to see Jamie more through her mother's eyes. There have been glimpses, but no stories like this. ]
Sounds like it's a really good thing you're a surgeon now. It seems like he'll need it.
[ She's kind of teasing but also a shoulder wound and a gunshot all in the same meeting? What are the chances? ]
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It wasn't that quick. I didn't love him until after we were married. I couldn't tell you when exactly it happened. [But she has a vivid memory of sitting in the dark with Geillis. She had asked her then if she loved him, and Claire didn't answer. She did. She did love Jamie, and she felt awful for it because of Frank. It wasn't fair to any of them.]
He said he loved me the moment he saw me. I don't know how true that is, but I do know he felt more strongly for me at first. Of course, he didn't have all the complications I did. It was easier, for Jamie. But... he's a loving man, in general.
[That couldn't have changed. But she does hope some things have changed over the past two decades.]
I'd hope I won't be sewing him back together. He's no longer a young man.
[She's done more complex surgeries over the years, but that surgery on his hand will forever be the toughest she's done, simply because it was on the man she loved more than anything. Maybe those scars have faded, or maybe they've been replaced by others. But that's a story for Jamie to share with Bree, not Claire.]
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It was probably lust.
[ She says that like she knows; she's only heard things about how men think, but she's already wary of them in general. ]
What do you hope now, most of all?
[ That's probably a loaded question, but. ]
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It's Bree's question that has her eyes opening a little wider in surprise. Oh, most certainly a loaded question. She wets her lips and gives it some consideration--as if she hasn't been hoping the whole time.]
I hope that... he--[She frowns.]
That he's happy.
[With the life he's had, with them returning. She knows it'll change everything for him, settled with a new family or not, but she just hopes he won't hate her for it.]
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Another reason Bree couldn't let her come alone. ]
No matter what happens, you have me.
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[Her sweet girl. It's easy to wrap her arms around her and press a kiss to her head, rubbing her back. She did always have Bree. Even if she wasn't always there, even if they butted heads, Brianna was always the best thing to happen to her.]
And what do you hope, hmm? Fair's fair.
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I hope I can see you really, really happy.
[ She's seen her mom happy, with stories and achievements and happy celebrations. But what would it be like to see her happy in a way that only one person could ever do for her? That's what she hopes for, that happiness. To catch even a glimpse of it.
She also hopes everything they've fixed between them stays intact and is built upon, but that one she keeps to herself. ]
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I hope you're not implying that you haven't seen me really, really happy. [Not with Frank, no, but Brianna's brought her so much joy. Truthfully, Claire's a little worried about Brianna seeing just how different she is around Jamie than she was with Frank, but they'll cross that road when they get there.]
Though... I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle the sight of both of you, together. [Her smile doesn't dim, but her eyes do become a little glassy. Her two loves.] I never thought it'd be possible. He always wanted children. A lot of them. Twelve.
[One for each spoon. The memory is bittersweet. They had Faith. They had Fergus. And then Brianna. Perhaps he had more children and got his wish. They'll have to see.]
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[ That's definitely not what she meant, and she has to reassure her, right away. ]
I suppose I just mean...a certain kind of happiness.
[ Something about that is so heartbreaking though, knowing that what they wanted and what they received were two very different things. ]
You deserve more than you got. I don't know if I would have believed that before I saw what happened at the stones; before I believed you. But I do now.
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I wouldn't change anything. [Mostly true. Raising Bree in this time would have been difficult, especially after Culloden. Especially being the wife of Red Jamie. Brianna got an education and a life she could have never had here, and freedoms not granted to young women yet. Things she's now given up.
But perhaps Claire would have changed things with Frank. Found a way for him be in Brianna's life and also have his own without being trapped in a marriage.]
We had a good life in Boston, you and I. To Jamie, that meant everything. You meant everything.
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I'm excited to meet him. Nervous, but still excited. I want to know all about him, to know what he was like when he was my age, what he liked. I know we grew up so differently, but what if we liked the same things, or the same foods. That's the sort of thing I really want to know.
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You both eat like cows. I never knew where he put it all, just like I don't know with you.
[Is she serious? It's a mystery, but Bree might feel her shake a little, trying not to laugh.]
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[ Well, that wakes her right up and she looks at Claire with narrowed eyes, though there's laughter in them she has no idea how to hide. ]
I do not eat like a cow.
[ So much mock offense as she settles back against her side. ]
I eat like a horse.
[ There's that humor she inherited :') ]
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[Not even a little sorry.]
Your father always joked you got your temper and stubbornness from me, which might be partially true, but Jamie's got them, too.
[Father and father. That might get confusing--and painful--later, but for now she trusts know Bree knows who she means. Frank will always be her father.]
... my temper is probably worse. Or at least it used to be.
[No, Claire, it's still there.]
But Jamie had a wonderful sense of humor, too. He always knew how to make me laugh.
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What do you mean used to be? If your temper ever goes anywhere, I'll be worried about you. I'm being serious.
[ After a quiet pause, Brianna murmurs softly, perhaps even a little sleepily. ]
Daddy was so serious all the time. Well, a lot of the time. I guess I can be, but not the way he was. I always wondered how our personalities could be so different as I got older.
[ Mystery solved, at least. ]
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[Even Claire knows she can't argue it. Brianna was spared the arguments between Claire and Frank, but that doesn't mean she never lose her temper in front of Bree. It wasn't always difficult juggling medical school, a child, and a career. Not to mention everything else.]
There's plenty of Frank in you, too. I don't think you'd be as clever as you are without his guidance.
[Jamie was an educated man as well, but he wasn't there to teach her.]
It's been a long day. Let's get into bed, darling.
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Yawning, she moves so that she's on one side of the bed and her mother has the other. Once they're settled, she blows out the candle on her nightstand and lays on her side, facing Claire. After a moment, though, she can't help whispering in the dark. ]
It's so quiet. With no glowing lights where small things are.
[ In the dark now, she sounds a little younger, a little more afraid of the decision she's made (though she doesn't regret it), and she's almost immediately pressing as close to Claire as she can. ]
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When I came back, the noise was difficult for me for some time. Planes startled me and the radio gave me a headache. It took a while for my mind to adjust, just as it will for you to get used to this.
[It's been a long time since Bree's cuddled up to her in bed, but Christ, she's missed it. She'll always be her little girl. She guides her head to a comfortable spot on her shoulder and resumes petting her hair, soothing her.]
Don't be afraid. You have me, and you'll have Jamie. There's nothing to fear as long as you're with us.
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I love you, mama.
[ It's the stroking of her hair that eventually does her in, pulling her under. ]
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[And she knows Jamie will, too. No matter what's happened over the years or how things have changed. They made this wonderful person in her arms. They'll always have that.
Claire spends some time stroking her hair, thinking about what the next day might hold, before sleep takes her, too.]
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As time passes she paces, makes the bed, tidies the table with the food and essentially fidgets. She looks out of the window which is, unfortunately on the opposite side of the building from the entrance. She's nervous and curious and everything in between, hoping for so much for her mother. For all three of them.
When she hears Claire's voice on the stairs, she can't help but hope she laced Bree's being here with mystery, a true surprise for him after twenty years of wondering. Bree stands, smoothing out the clothing she's wearing, brushing that errant (and now curly) hair aside, and facing the door. Just as it opens, she's letting out a deep breath and is very nearly vibrating with anticipation. ]
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drags Claire back in
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