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[givingback]

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[seventeenfortythree]

I dinnae care what had to happen for us to be together.

[ And he means it. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Neither do I.

[She strokes Bree's hair, light enough as to not wake her.]

If she came to us, she couldn't stay. We'd have to send her back.

[seventeenfortythree]

It would have broken my heart, ye ken? To know her, only to have to say goodbye to her.

[ He can't imagine it now, it's too painful. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I don't know how we could let her go. Or me, let her stay. At least... it's nothing to worry about here.

[They just have a different set of problems.]

[seventeenfortythree]

We'll see her through this, you and I, Sassenach.

[ For a moment there's nothing but the quiet of Brianna sleeping, but Jamie knows Claire isn't asleep, so he speaks again, softly. ]

When I imagined holding her in my arms, Claire, it wasna because she was so broken.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I never told her about what happened to you. In Wentworth. [The words are said in a more quiet whisper, not for worry of Bree waking, but out of respect to him.] She knows you were injured. That's all. It was never my story to tell.

[The unsaid hangs in the air: If you feel like sharing it with her, letting her know how deeply you understand, then that's your decision.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's quiet again, for a while, swallowing back tears of rage and grief. ]

First our son. Now our daughter. I cannae...I would do anythin', Claire, to take away the pain I know is so...

[ He trails off.

He realizes, if he sleeps now, he may not be without his own nightmares. ]

It takes a piece of every part of you.

[ Naked. Behind a blade of grass. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[In the silence, she reaches out to comb her fingers through his hair, just as she's been doing for Bree.]

You understand. You know what it is to... survive it. To not let the monster win.

[seventeenfortythree]

I survived. But in the process I almost...

[ Destroyed their marriage completely. ]

There was a cost, Claire.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I didn't understand, then. What it did to you. I mean... in a way, but not as I should have.

[It wasn't just him that strained the marriage. She played an equal, if not greater part, thrusting him into the politics of stopping a war without a moment to really see how he was doing.]

It won't be like that for her. We'll see to it. And... if it brings up unpleasant memories for you, I'm here. I'm always here, Jamie.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie nods, trusting his wife, knowing he has his wife to turn to, knowing they'll be able to take care of their daughter together. ]

I'll be fine. I'll be fine for Bree.

[ But. ]

If I need you, I won't hide it.

[nineteenfortyfive]

Good. I'll be very cross if you do, James Fraser.

[She manages a smile for him, tucking some of his hair behind his ear.]

She's lucky to have you for a father.

[seventeenfortythree]

Well. We'll see how good I do in the days to come. Holding her, that's been the easy part. I dinnae think I ever want to let her go.

[ If he holds her just like this, then nothing can happen to her. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

It's good that she wants to be held.

[He hadn't wanted her to touch him at all.]

She'll always be our baby, no matter how big she gets.

[seventeenfortythree]

When I thought of her, I always imagined a babe. An infant I could cradle in my arms.

[ It's been so very confusing to reconcile the two images. What's real versus what he'd imagined. ]

My gift to you. And your gift to me.

[nineteenfortyfive]

She's no infant, but she's small enough to cradle. Or, really, you're big enough to do it.

[She huffs out a small breath of air. Almost, but not quite, a laugh.]

You mush be squished against the wall, there.

[seventeenfortythree]

It doesna matter. Whatever aches, I'll work them out in the morning. I won't move and displace her.

[ He doesn't care what hurts he has when Brianna wakes. It's worth it. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I might wake her in an hour or so to eat. She got sick, when she came out of stasis. You could do with more food, too.

[Claire, also. She's been so happy, then so worried, then so utterly heartsick that filling her own belly hasn't occurred to her.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie nods, deferring to her for what's best for Brianna right now. ]

If ye think it's wise, though I dinnae have an appetite myself.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I doubt she will, either. But we all need to keep up our strength. You and I aren't going to sleep much, so we must eat.

[She cups his cheek.]

Do it for me, hmm?

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's head turns and he lets out a breath, kissing her palm. ]

Anything for you, then. A little, if ye decide to wake her.

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Her thumb traces his bottom lip.]

I love you.

[A strange time to say it, maybe, but it feels like too long since she last has.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie reaches with his free hand to cover her own. ]

I love ye, Sassenach. Every part of me burns for ye.

[nineteenfortyfive]

You've given me the most perfect children a mother could ask for.

[Be they blood or found in a brothel in Paris.]

And while I'm worried for her, I know that she'll be all right with you by her side to guide her through this. You have such a good heart.

[seventeenfortythree]

Ye realize, Claire, this is the first time I've...

[ He stops. She knows. Everything with Brianna he's experiencing as a parent for the first time. ]