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[givingback]

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[seventeenfortythree]

I love you more than my heart can take. Both of you.

[ His voice breaks, just a little, his hold tightening a bit. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I know. I think she knows, too.

[She reaches over their daughter to touch his face, fingers stroking his cheek.]

It's all right, Jamie. We'll be all right.

[seventeenfortythree]

Aye.

[ He turns his head just enough that his lips touch her fingertips. ]

The three of us.

[ As it should have always been. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I'm glad you're here. I don't know if I'd be able to do this alone.

[She would. She'd manage. But some part of her is put at ease knowing that Jamie is here to lean on and help not only her, but Bree now, too.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Christ, I wouldna ever want you to go through this alone, Claire. I'm here. And I willna go anywhere and leave ye again, either.

[ He'll fight the Almighty itself or whatever it is that he has to do in order to stay. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

When we get to Olympia, you should take her out. We have horses. I think the two of you could use some time alone together.

[To talk, or not talk. Or simply get used to one another.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Do ye think she'll want to?

[ He asks that quietly, eyes on Claire's face, unsure, apparently. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

She might. I wasn't sure if she'd want to share a bed with us, but...

[Well. Here they are.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Aye.

[ He whispers it softly, stroking Claire's cheek tenderly over their daughter. ]

To ken I have the opportunity now...Christ, to ken she was coming to us before...

[ Jamie swallows hard, lips pressing to the back of Bree's head. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Maybe it's a good thing the world ended.

[Better to be here than die in a fire, right?]

[seventeenfortythree]

I dinnae care what had to happen for us to be together.

[ And he means it. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Neither do I.

[She strokes Bree's hair, light enough as to not wake her.]

If she came to us, she couldn't stay. We'd have to send her back.

[seventeenfortythree]

It would have broken my heart, ye ken? To know her, only to have to say goodbye to her.

[ He can't imagine it now, it's too painful. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

I don't know how we could let her go. Or me, let her stay. At least... it's nothing to worry about here.

[They just have a different set of problems.]

[seventeenfortythree]

We'll see her through this, you and I, Sassenach.

[ For a moment there's nothing but the quiet of Brianna sleeping, but Jamie knows Claire isn't asleep, so he speaks again, softly. ]

When I imagined holding her in my arms, Claire, it wasna because she was so broken.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I never told her about what happened to you. In Wentworth. [The words are said in a more quiet whisper, not for worry of Bree waking, but out of respect to him.] She knows you were injured. That's all. It was never my story to tell.

[The unsaid hangs in the air: If you feel like sharing it with her, letting her know how deeply you understand, then that's your decision.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's quiet again, for a while, swallowing back tears of rage and grief. ]

First our son. Now our daughter. I cannae...I would do anythin', Claire, to take away the pain I know is so...

[ He trails off.

He realizes, if he sleeps now, he may not be without his own nightmares. ]

It takes a piece of every part of you.

[ Naked. Behind a blade of grass. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[In the silence, she reaches out to comb her fingers through his hair, just as she's been doing for Bree.]

You understand. You know what it is to... survive it. To not let the monster win.

[seventeenfortythree]

I survived. But in the process I almost...

[ Destroyed their marriage completely. ]

There was a cost, Claire.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I didn't understand, then. What it did to you. I mean... in a way, but not as I should have.

[It wasn't just him that strained the marriage. She played an equal, if not greater part, thrusting him into the politics of stopping a war without a moment to really see how he was doing.]

It won't be like that for her. We'll see to it. And... if it brings up unpleasant memories for you, I'm here. I'm always here, Jamie.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie nods, trusting his wife, knowing he has his wife to turn to, knowing they'll be able to take care of their daughter together. ]

I'll be fine. I'll be fine for Bree.

[ But. ]

If I need you, I won't hide it.

[nineteenfortyfive]

Good. I'll be very cross if you do, James Fraser.

[She manages a smile for him, tucking some of his hair behind his ear.]

She's lucky to have you for a father.

[seventeenfortythree]

Well. We'll see how good I do in the days to come. Holding her, that's been the easy part. I dinnae think I ever want to let her go.

[ If he holds her just like this, then nothing can happen to her. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

It's good that she wants to be held.

[He hadn't wanted her to touch him at all.]

She'll always be our baby, no matter how big she gets.

[seventeenfortythree]

When I thought of her, I always imagined a babe. An infant I could cradle in my arms.

[ It's been so very confusing to reconcile the two images. What's real versus what he'd imagined. ]

My gift to you. And your gift to me.