ic contact post

[givingback]

audio | video | text

Comments

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie never knew a heart could break in quite the way his is but it feels shattered to his very soul as he listens to his daughter cry and feels the way her body shakes with it.

He lets tears fall freely into her hair, rubbing her back with slow, steady motions, trying to soothe. ]

Ye're braver than any lass, Brianna. Strong. Ye shouldn't have had to fight. Dinnae ever think ye did anything other than survive a terrible thing.

[nineteenfortyfive]

It's not your fault. Oh, Bree. There's nothing to be sorry for.

[Her arms are tight around Bree, and the one over her grasps at Jamie's arm. Oh, god. Her family. She never wanted this for them.]

[givingback]

[ This round of crying and soothing is what makes Bree finally give into the pull of sleep. The sound of her tears slows, and then her body relaxes back into Jamie's, breathing deepening, evening out.

She's asleep, finally, and thanks to her mother, with no bruises making it difficult to do so. ]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ When he knows she's asleep, Jamie moves his arm so that his hand can now grasp Claire's arm. He knows what this trauma is. He knows what nightmares it brings. He knows, and now his daughter knows, and he feels shattered. Scattered into pieces. ]

How do we fix her, Claire? I cannae...I cannae make this right or better. Our bairn, Claire.

[nineteenfortyfive]

We don't.

[There's no fixing it. She can set broken hands and heal away bruises, but she's never felt she fixed Jamie. Only time helped, and perhaps it's the same with Bree. Theon keeps reminding her she can't fix him--but that's never been her goal. To make life better, easier. Less terrible. But fixing people beyond a medical sense is not something she's ever claimed to be capable of.]

We just have to be here for her. She needs us.

[Now, more than ever. With Bree asleep, the tears fall from her eyes, catching in her red hair.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie feels helpless. Completely at a disadvantage because he can't do anything. His wife is weeping, and his hand moves to Claire's cheek, wiping away her tears. ]

She has us, Claire. Both of us.

[ There isn't anything else he can say, truly. And he just holds them both, praying as he hasn't since Paris, only knowing of his wife's distress but not truly knowing what was happening to her. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

This can't keep happening. We can't let this happen anymore. To our children, to the ones we take in... we have to keep them safe.

[Not that anything that's happened to their loved ones, Jamie himself included, could be prevented.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie looks at Claire the best he can, his voice lower. ]

Claire. I vow to ye here and now that I willna let anything else harm Brianna, Fergus, or you to the best of my ability. The vow I swore to ye extends to our children as well. To any you've come to care for.

[ The problem is, he's never there to actually help. To stop those things. He only sees the terrible aftermath, when he can do nothing. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

[She tries to find her hand, needing to hold it, to give her strength.]

Thank you.

[seventeenfortythree]

Do not thank me for a vow I've never been able to keep.

[ He says it, even as he holds onto her tightly. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

Don't. If not for you, Bree and I could be long dead. She might not have had the chance to be born.

[He saved them from the aftermath of Culloden. And even before that, he saved her life more than once.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie knows better than to insist or pursue this. Especially with Brianna between them. When he feels Bree jerk in her sleep, he whispers to her softly. ]

M'eudail. Dinnae cry. We're here. Both of us. Dinnae fash.

[ He soothes her, stroking her hair again until he feels her slowly relax. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

He had nightmares, too.

[He being Fergus. Jamie wasn't there, locked away in the Bastille, and so it was Claire that comforted him when she heard him cry out in the night. When they were especially bad, she let him sleep in the bed, his tiny form occupying the space Jamie's once took.]

What helped you?

[Asked as her fingers stroke the hair at Bree's temple.]

[seventeenfortythree]

You.

[ It's the truth of it, and he doesn't hesitate in his answer. ]

You, Sassenach. Even if ye dinnae think it.

[nineteenfortyfive]

[His reply has her falling quiet for a moment. The tears still fall, because if she doesn't cry now, she won't get a chance to again. She has to be strong for Bree.]

Then she's better off. She has the both of us.

[She might not have a moment of privacy with Jamie again for some time, she realizes.]

I need to tell you why she came through the stones.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's forehead creases. Christ, the fact that she went through the stones at all has been the last thing on his mind. ]

What was it, then?

[nineteenfortyfive]

It was to save us. She found out that we died in a fire.

[Somehow, sometime. Claire holds Bree tighter.]

Not that it matters much here. With all the worlds gone. But... that's why she went through the stones. It was for you and me.

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Jamie's eyes close, and he drops his nose into Bree's hair before speaking quietly. ]

A 'nighean mar a mathair. Our daughter with heart so much like yours, Claire.

[ Selfless. Brave. Strong and able to endure. ]

It's how I ken she'll make it through.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I was thinking she'd make it through because she's so much like you.

[Too much, now. What a horrid thought.]

[seventeenfortythree]

Perhaps it's the strength of both of us, Sassenach.

[ Jamie reaches out again and strokes Claire's cheek tenderly. ]

Ye should get some rest. She'll need you, come morning.

[nineteenfortyfive]

[She places her hand over his.]

What did you hit?

[Hopefully not whom. He's more likely to take out his frustrations on objects, not people.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ He doesn't look at all regretful about the way his knuckles have been bloodied. ]

A wall. It wasna very forgiving, but I cannae say I could feel much at the time.

[nineteenfortyfive]

I'm so sorry, Jamie. Everything is--difficult, waking up here, but on top of it...

[Nothing to apologize for, she knows, but she is sorry. The other night was good, father and daughter meeting, and then they spent the night together, holding one another. And then it all went downhill.]

[seventeenfortythree]

[ Isn't that just the way of their lives? Happiness, then devastation. He'd hoped North Carolina would be an end to it all. But it wasn't to be so. ]

No apologies are needed here tonight, Sassenach. No' from our daughter. And no' from you.

[nineteenfortyfive]

Then not from you, either.

[She can feel the guilt radiating off him.]

We can't change what happened, but we can make sure that she has an easy a time as possible, going forward. I think she'll feel better once we're back in Olympia.